Tuesday, February 16, 2010

A Band Saw manual

Band saws are infamous hand tools found at Woodworking shops, factories and other boring and ridiculously smelling places.

One such smelly place is my Uncle's shed. He has one of them and takes care of it all the time. Maybe that was the reason why it now looks like a Garbage truck, only rusty on the edges and a sticker which peels out even though it has been glued over a hundred times!

There is a certain section of the male society that feel such an affinity towards tools, even though they realize they cannot use them. My Uncle is one among them. And he tops this chart.

All he's done with those workshop machines and tools is stand next to them and say "Eeeee", "Oooo" and sometimes "Aaaaa"
Just for the photographs. He doesn't say "Cheese" ever.
And you never want to see those photographs and the expressions!

I had to do something good for the society. So here goes some safety tips while using this, not-so-useful machine. Their manuals have many instructions. But, maybe they should consider adding these:

Do not dissect Snacks. Even though there is someone telling you to cut open that French fry, don't do it. Make sure, you don't try Nachos either. They get through pretty easy. You will wonder later, why you had to break such a beautiful piece of Nacho.

For the few ridiculously minded folks out there, you guys need to say away from the Band saw. There are some who decide to get a manicure done on the band saw. Do it only if you want your fingers to feel guilty that they were holding on to the nails and sad for being a part of you. Now if you're successful at doing fingernails, don't be confident enough to trim toenails. In case you do it, thanks for purchasing our product. It was great knowing you.

We will send you money for a haircut. Don't try to cut costs by putting your head into the machine. This can lead to excessive hair loss and even baldness. In case, you use a wig, don't throw it under the band saw. It will end up to resemble long strands of hair. Now, if you want those, do it!

Wear glasses. We mean glasses that can protect your eyes from tiny pieces of anything that you cut and the ones through which you can see. Make sure to buy glasses that are see-through.

Now those, are some very important things you should consider if you want yourself in one piece. Just in case, send me your Piggy bank money before you try a Band saw...

16 comments:

  1. My father has been a carpenter for around 15 years now. So I have grown up around a bunch of tools such as this "Band saw".
    For all you peeps who are not familiar with such tools, take this guys tips on nachos and toes...Its great advice that is never mentioned or brought up. I guess they just expect us to know these things!!
    Ha, what do they think we are...smart???

    *grins* Great blog, loved it =D

    ReplyDelete
  2. Not having used such a tool I take your word for it.
    Loved the read.

    Yvonne.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Greetings,
    Well I'm glad I 'saw' this posting. You most certainly bring up some 'saw' points.
    Excellent posting, my friend, sharp and to the point:-)
    Kind wishes, your way, Gary

    ReplyDelete
  4. A band saw that looks like a garbage truck... hell yeah, I like that picture. Anything that shreds fascinates me, especially if it makes me ROFL. Ok, STFU, Ryhen.

    As usual, very helpful post mr. handyman. I know that's not your name mr. stupid, but your tips are really great that I can't stop myself from calling you mr. handyman. Ok, STFU, Ryhen.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hi Mr Stupid. It would take a band saw to cut the Bear's toenails!

    The way I'm feeling right now after 5 1/2 hours of his company I can think of other parts of his person I might wish to put through a band saw!

    Bearfriend xx

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thanks for the tips. I mean the fingertips. I tried using a band saw, as you suggested, just a second ago and cut off my fingertips. Somehow, I am still able to type this comment to you with my bloody finger stumps. It hurts like hell but I like it, like it, yes I do. ;P

    ReplyDelete
  7. I've been snowed in for three days. It would not be advisible for me to be around anything that could be used as a weapon.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Ha ha... very funny and cool post. Back in high school, I took wood shop and had a couple opportunities to use the band saw, but we never tried french fries. It might make an interesting YouTube video. Uh-oh, I don't want to give you any ideas though.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Al`eh: That's great. Well, I got to see such tools only on a visit to my uncle's.
    BTW, I wonder what's wrong with these guys. They expect us to know everything. They should include a tip on itching - Don't use a band saw to relieve itching from your finger... lol

    Yvonne: Keep away. Beware. Only use it if your Tooth fairy says you to. Otherwise NO!.... hehe

    Gary: Glad you liked the post. Thanks for dropping by. Hope the "Saw" tips were handy... hehe

    Ryhen: Too bad I couldn't get a picture of my uncle's Band saw. It looked really shy and posting him here would be embarrassing to the guy. Which guy? - The band saw!
    Mr. Handyman sounds good. But all I can do with a slab of wood is wait for an hour and present the same slab.... lol

    Bearfriend: That should have been boring. 5 1/2 hours! Maybe you should try it on his toenails, but just in case, keep his piggy bank money! lol

    Kelly: Now, that's a situation. I had my nose bleeding once for sticking it too close to my computer screen. OK, I wonder why I said that...
    BTW, don't worry, I will send you somebody's piggy bank money... haha

    Tracie: Its always good to stay away. Since the snowing, your band saw might start shivering half way into your work. And that can be dangerous!!!

    Tim: French fries... Oh yeah, I had started off to make a Youtube video with it. Too bad, I couldn't resist not eating it. Next was nachos. I did the same. So maybe I should try something that is not junk food. How about broccoli??? lol

    ReplyDelete
  10. But...but..I wanted a band saw for myself.
    Not that it would take a band saw to cut my toenails. Hehe I am just one of those women who loves carpentry.

    Nice subject Mr. S! It's your uncle this time..hehe

    XO

    ReplyDelete
  11. the first thing that comes to my mind when anybody says "band saw" is finger amputation. Thats usually what i see in the emergency room when a bandsaw is involved. BE CAREFUL!! You REALLY don't know what yogurt is?!

    ReplyDelete
  12. i used to see so many tools in my mother 's house and even here my husband like to have things like this as he loves to spend his spare time in gardening and and fixing the old stuff ,i respect these things which make and give the shapes to raw stuff ,lovely post ,take care

    ReplyDelete
  13. "BUTTERY"fly: I am planning to take up carpentry too. Does it have to do anything with wood? hehe Just kidding!
    Glad you liked the post...:)

    outdoor.mom: Now that is just horrible. I wouldn't want to cut a nail and then end up loosing a finger.
    Yogurt? I really hate it...:)

    Shabana: Glad you liked the post. Thanks for stopping by...:)

    ReplyDelete
  14. I wouldn't be caught dismembered next to a tool like that! I'm not even sure what that means...

    ReplyDelete
  15. Funny! 'Make sure you wear glasses you can see though,' love it. Hmm, could write '101 uses for a bandsaw.'
    My dad has one, and he's a master with it, still, I can't bear to watch him use it, I mean, what if he missed?!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Mrsblogalot: That's the best thing to do. I am going to forget to spell Band Saw. Maybe that will keep me away from it the next time...:)

    Peter: Glad you liked it. The tool is useful for professionals like your Dad. Though all my uncle does is wipe it unnecessarily... lol
    Have a good day!

    ReplyDelete