Monday, May 31, 2010

Trip to Water Hell

My Great grandfather wasted most of his time in the Swimming Pool. He was a swimmer and loved the cold water. At least, that was what my Mom said.

She wanted her sons to be good swimmers just like her Grandfather. Her first son was a lazy bear and bears hated swimming. So, she was determined to make his brother a swimmer. And that was me! Even though, I pretended to be a bear, she didn't fall for it.

One morning, she stood near our Car and looked very exited. "C'mon let's go!"

"Go where?"
"I signed you up for Swimming classes."

I ran around the house, in the backyard and on my Neighbor's lawn. She followed me everywhere and was catching up. After twenty minutes of chasing, I was caught, tied up to the Car's seat with the seat belt and we were on our way to the Water Hell.
"I don't want Swimming lessons."

"Don't worry. They'll be fun!"
"What if I drown in the water?"
"That's one reason why you need to learn Swimming."

We were at the place early in the morning. The classes would start at 9 AM and we were half an hour early. There were weird people by the Parking Lot. They were my mom's friends, looking very exited after sending their kids to the Water Hell.

I entered the complex by nine. There were many kids of my age and one really huge kid. I kept walking around the pool. The water was really cold and it was a stupid thing to even touch it.
The huge kid said, "Everyone in the water."

"And who are you to give us orders?"
, I asked.

"Well, I am your Swimming Instructor."

So, the huge kid was actually my teacher.

"I don't care. The water's freezing and I refuse to get in."
"What's that?"
"There in the sky."

The next moment, I was in the pool. The guy had pushed me in and acted as though, nothing had happened!

We were made to stay in the pool for ten minutes. Then the guy started the lessons.
My turn was there quick. "I will hold you horizontally on the surface..."
"No thanks. I am happy just standing here."

"Don't be shy."
The guy held me and said, "Now move you legs and hands simultaneously."

"Air. I am drowning. Help!"

I panicked. My legs and hands were moving around really fast. I manged to punch the guy on his face a few times. There were a few kicks too. We were both yelling at each other.
"I guess, that's enough of training."
, he said.

"Yeah. So, can I go home now?"
"No. Its just 9:30. We have classes till eleven."
"Sir, I am freezing. I might go into a shock and drown. Then they will arrest you and this Swimming Complex will be shut down forever."
"I am sure nothing like that will happen. Anyways, I will now show you guys a technique that will help you if you get stranded at sea."
"That won't happen. I have no plans of going to sea..."
"Okay. Just learn it for fun. Its called the Dead Man's Float."

Those words kept ringing in my head. The Dead Man part was enough to freak me out. I shouted, fell and then screamed, "Help! Mom, Help!"
The huge kid picked me up and dropped me next to my Mom's Car. She was still chatting with the weird people. The Swimming Instructor gave both of us looks and then left.

"Why did you put a seven year old through so much of terror. That guy almost tried killing us with the Dead Man's float. And guess what he threw me in the water before. I am never going there again!"

My Mom's dream to see a Swimmer in me was shattered. She had me join Art classes next. Maybe her Great grandfather was an artist. Those went bad too...

Friday, May 28, 2010

Harry Potato and the Worthless stone - III

To read Part - II, click here.

Harry Potato panicked. There was no way he could get off the train. Pong kept saying, "Saving the potatoes is your job. What are you doing on a train to Togwarts?"
"I get it, Pong. I forgot and now I have to think of a way to get out of here..."
"Saving the potatoes..."
, pong continued.

As Harry looked out of the window, there was a voice from behind. "So its true. You're Harry Potato, aren't you? I am Hermione Ginger."
"Nice to meet you."
"And you are...?
"Pong. Pong Weasley. Oh yeah, I forgot my lines - Saving the potatoes was your job..."
"What's he saying?", hermione asked.
"I had to save the potatoes, I mean the real ones from the Supermarket. I forgot about it and got on this train. Pong keeps reminding me of what I've done and that makes me feel more awful."
"There's no way you can get off this train. You need to speak to Professor Dumpydoor when we get to Togwarts."

The train arrived at Togwarts by nightfall. Everyone were off the train and Horrid was waiting to guide them to the School. "This way. Keep up guys."
As Harry was walking, there was a voice, "So, its true. Harry Potato has come to Togwarts. But, what's the chosen one doing at a School? He should have been at the Supermarket saving potatoes. But NO. He's here to learn magic. I almost forgot. I am Bellboy, Draco Bellboy."
"What's a Bellboy doing in a school?"
, pong asked.
"Bellboy is my Last name. And you must be a Weasley to ask such a silly question."

The kids followed Horrid until they got to the main gates. A woman was waiting for them.
"Hello and Welcome to Togwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
I am Professor McDonald's. In a few moments, you will be entering these gates and joining your classmates. But before that, you must be sorted into your houses. They are Corridor, Superthin, Birdieclaw and Shufflepuff. There's a reason why all of you are here. You are all wizards and will be learning to use spells and blah blah. Though, one person is here forgetting what he was supposed to do..."
"I am sorry. I just forgot!", harry said.
"Whatever. Follow me to the great hall."

Everyone followed Professor McDonald's. "Now, you will all be sorted in your houses by the Sorting Baseball cap."

Pong Weasley was called. The cap was placed on his head and it said, "This is easy. Pong! That's a funny name. I used to play Ping Pong an year ago. I was really good at it... Oh yeah, I forgot to sort you. Well, Corridor!"

Draco Bellboy was next. The Sorting Baseball cap was placed on his head. "Firstly, Bellboy? That's hilarious. Anyways, lots of evil. It should be Superthin... Seriously, Bellboy? HA HA"

Hermione was placed in Corridor. Harry Potato was called next. The cap was placed on his head. "Harry Potato. The boy who turned into a...  hey, weren't you supposed to save the Potatoes at the Supermarket?"

"Everyone's asked me that today. I forgot, alright?"

"Okay. You don't have to yell. Anyways, Corridor!"

Everybody were placed in different houses. Professor McDonald's said, "Your attention please. Professor Dumpydoor wants to make an announcement."
"Hello everyone. I have a few things I wish to announce. And I need to say it quick or I might just forget. The first years please note that the Dark Forest is strictly out of bounds. And also our caretaker has asked me to inform you that the 7th floor..."

"We don't have seven floors professor. The third floor is forbidden."
, professor McDonald's whispered.
"I knew that. I meant the third floor. Anyways, stay away from that floor. And if you get there by any chance, run around screaming!"

Dumpydoor looked at Harry and waved. He was the only one who hadn't spoken about the task. But, he often forgot things...   (to be continued)

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Bedtime Stories

When I was a kid, my Dad was always the one who told me Bedtime stories. Most of them were crazy, weird or something really stupid. And that's why he decided to read from a storybook.

Though, my Mom was the one who first told me Stories. I had books that were really weird. There was a comic named, "Angry Toddy Returns". So Toddy was a Teddy Bear in the story.

"Read me Angry Toddy..."
"C'mon. We have read it four times last week. And that's not a story for a six year old. There are many others. Let's see what you've got."
"If you don't read me Angry Toddy, I won't go to bed."

She narrated the story. But I always had the same question.

"Mom, why was Toddy angry?"
"No idea. Maybe, his Mom was irritated with him and punched him on the face!"
"Wow. Moms can be pretty scary at times..."
"The Moms in the Comics. Not the ones in houses."
"Anyways, enough of story reading, Good night!"
"Oh yeah. The book says Angry Toddy returns. So where was Toddy after the punching incident?"
"I am not sure. We've never got to that part and maybe, that's on the previous book. Please go to sleep."
"We better get that book and the third part. Maybe, Toddy punches his Mom and then kicks the earth into well... another Universe! And then he laughs loud so that everyone fears him. HA HA HA..."

My Room's door was already shut and the lights out. That was the last time my Mom read me a Bedtime story. She gave that job to my Dad. He was exited about it for the first few days. But then he realized the pain behind Storytelling.

Toddy had got a bit boring. My Dad didn't know why he was angry either. So we got another book. It was "Sniffy the Cow and CooCoo the Lion".
So, the story went on. My Dad had the same expression and reading a story meant he needed to use different voices to speak.

"Sniffy the Cow ran until he got to a Cave. Inside the cave was..."
"I know, another Cow."
"Inside the cave was a Caveman. The Caveman had long hair and ugly teeth and looked at Sniffy."
"Caves are for Cows. What was a Caveman doing inside?"
"I don't know. Anyways, The Caveman said, 'A cow at my Cave? What brings you here?' Sniffy took a deep breath and narrated his story about how he got chased by CooCoo and managed to reach the cave. 'Will you save me from that Demon?', asked Sniffy.
"CooCoo isn't a Demon, dad. He's a Lion. Though, he might have been a Demon sometime before but now he's a Lion. I would say, the Caveman is a Demon."
"Alright... The Caveman looked at the sad cow and took his sword. 'Don't worry. The Lion won't get to you.', he said."
"Dad. You aren't speaking like the Caveman..."
"Sorry. I'll do that the next time. The Caveman got ready with his sword when CooCoo arrived. 'Send the Cow out and you live', roared CooCoo. 'I am not scared of you Lion', the Caveman replied."
"You need to speak like the Lion. Roar a few times. And you again spoke like Sniffy and not the Caveman."
"Just listen to the story. The Caveman pulled out his sword and charged at the lion."
"Why doesn't the Lion want to charge, Dad? Now, the Caveman will manage to kill him and..."
"I don't know. So the Caveman runs towards the lion and..."
"And it was really late. CooCoo ate them both and he lived happily ever after. The End! Good night."
"Good Story, Dad. Thanks! I always love happy endings..."

The lights were already out and the door was shut. The questioning happened with every story. Even though my Dad hated his new job, he was forced to do it everyday for another year!

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Burglary gone wrong!

The reason why my relatives hate me and my Brother is because we have done bad things. Lets make that lots of bad things.

Many events have gone wrong due to us. From ruining Birthday parties to spraying water on guests, we've done it all!

There was always a Sorry from us. But, we still managed to get the stares.

Though, the one person who hates us more than the others is my Aunt. The first bad thing we did to her was on her Wedding. We accidentally pushed the Wedding Cake into a swimming pool.

Another time, was when we were at her house. My Brother was eleven and I was eight. Even though we were young we had the potential to do all the worst things.

We were playing Baseball inside the house. She came by the living room and noticed two clumsy kids with a Bat and a Ball.

"Guys, please don't play inside."

"Its really hot outside."
, said my brother.

"In that case, play in the evening. I don't want you breaking stuff in my house!"

We stopped playing. My Parents and everybody else were in another room. Listening to their talk was boring. So, we decided to play catch. This wasn't baseball. We were sure she wouldn't mind.

My Brother threw the ball. It was coming towards me, but then it turned. It was an unnecessary swing. The ball now charged at a Painting on the wall.

The glass broke. We were in a lot of trouble. They would be here anytime soon.

"Why did you throw the ball at the painting?"
, I asked.

"Don't ask me. Ask the ball. It moved away from you!"

"Liar Liar Plants on Fire."

"Its Pants on Fire..."

"Whatever, Liar!"

"Look. Fighting isn't helping. We will both be yelled at if we are caught."

We were thinking. And that was a bad thing to do as our ideas weren't always wise.

"Why don't we break some more stuff? That way, we can pretend there was a Robbery!"
, I said.

"Good thinking. Let's do it..."
, my brother agreed.

We got started. He broke a Vase and a Bird made out of glass. I dropped a few dinner plates. We were busy and didn't look around. My Aunt was standing next to me.
"Oh my God! What are you guys doing?"
She looked scary and very angry. There was Lipstick and make up all over her face. She looked like Ronald McDonald, the freakish clown guy. Her voice was very loud. Maybe, she was using a Microphone.

Anyways, we didn't know what to say. I still had a few dinner plates in hand. My Brother panicked and said something stupid, "Did you see that guy?"
"Which guy?
", she asked.
"There was a robber here. He stole some stuff and broke these on the way."
"Okay. Then, what is your brother doing with the plates in hand?"
"Oh... You can ask him that."

He didn't want to cover up for me. I had to say something. "Mr. Robber asked me to break these for him..."

That wasn't very convincing. Everyone were in the Living Room now. Our parents were surprised. Actually, shocked and angry. My Dad paid for the broken stuff and we were never left alone in a relative's house. My Aunt though, still gives us the stares!

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Harry Potato and the Worthless stone - II

To read Part - I, click here.

Horrid and Harry left the bank. They had to get to the Railway Station.
Horrid said, "Your parents were great wizards, Harry."
"Yes, they were. The best among all the wizards. You don't know who turned them into green leafy vegetables and a guy from the Supermarket put them in the veggies section."
"What were they made into?"
"You Mom into Broccoli and you dad, Spinach."
"Yuck. I hate them both. I mean, the vegetables."
"That's exactly what
You don't know who wanted. He knew you hated the veggies. This meant you indirectly hated your parents!"
"I think, I need to speak to him about which are my favorites..."
"No, Harry! He's not a wizard anymore. The day he attacked you..."
"I know. His spell went wrong and he lost all his powers. My head turned into a Potato and I got this pore."
"Anyways, I was wondering why you name is Horrid?"
"That's a huge story, Harry. A guy made a typographical error on my Birth Certificate. Harrid became Horrid. An 'o' makes a lot of difference."

Harry and Horrid had now arrived at the Railway Station. Horrid looked at Harry and said, "This is were I leave you, Harry. The train to Togwarts should be waiting at Platform... wait let me check."
Horrid took out a small dairy and read, "At platform 9.75118265341752."
"That's a platform? So where do I find it?"
"It should be there after the 9th one, I guess. Oh yeah, Harry don't speak to Chefs. They will take you to a restaurant and you might end up being French Fries or something else. You are a real Potato, remember?"
"I know. You don't know who used a spell on me..."
"Alright. Looks like you got it. See ya!"

Horrid left as Harry started walking towards the platform. He kept wandering when he found a woman.
"Ma'am is this Platform 9.751182..."
"To Togwarts. This is it. You need to run through that wall with a Ski mask and a Body armor."
"Alright. But, why do I need an armor?"
"That's a brick wall, son! The armor should save you if you get a digit wrong..."

Harry looked a bit worried. He was bad at math. The woman said, "Don't worry. My son is here for the first time. His name is Pong Weasley."
Harry and Pong put on their gear and ran towards the wall. The next moment, they were looking at a Red train. There were kids everywhere. Harry and Pong got themselves a seat. The Togwarts Express had begun.

"I am Pong. Pong Weasly."
"Nice to meet you. I am Harry Potato."
"Wow. Are you the Harry Potato?"
"I am just Harry Potato. I don't have a The at the beginning."
"Whoa. So its true. Is that the Pore You don't know who left?"
"Yeah. His spell went wrong and it made me a Potato."
"Hey. You're the chosen one and saving the Potatoes, I mean the real ones is your job. What are you doing on a train to Togwarts?"
"Oh. I totally forgot about that..."

Harry Potato was the chosen one and finding the potatoes was his task. Since he had forgotten about it, getting off the train was a bigger task...   (to be continued)

Sunday, May 16, 2010

A Detective Story

It was a baffling case. The pieces didn't match. Mr. Stupid was now sweaty and couldn't stop scratching his head. Joey, Bob, Micheal and Jack had met. But why?

He opened the file again. It clearly stated how they had met.
Joey, Bob, Micheal and Jack leave their homes at the same time. Joey and Jack take their Cars, while Bob and Micheal take their Bikes. Joey drives at 60 mph while Bob and Micheal drive at 20mph and 15mph respectively. If the four meet after ten minutes, how far apart were they from the meeting point when they started?

Mr. Stupid was a Private Eye. At least, it said so on his room's door. A man with a blank stare had given him the case. He was Detective Grumpy from the rival Private Eye on the next street.
The case was a challenge. Letting it go would be a black mark on Mr. Stupid's career. Even though, he wasn't getting paid for this one, he had to accept the challenge.

But, the case still never had any leads. Why did the four men leave their homes? There was the TV, the refrigerator and the couch. Leaving their home wasn't a necessity. Mr. Stupid knew something was fishy.

He decided to leave his room and go investigate. It was snowing. The questions came down like the snow. Who were these people? Why did they leave at the same time? Why was Joey in such a hurry? Why wasn't Jack's speed mentioned? None of them had any answers. Finding that was his job.

As he walked in the snowy street, he saw the rival Private Eye door. The detective inside had assigned him the job. Asking him was a wrong thing to do. But, Mr. Stupid still wanted to give it a try.
"I was investigating the case. I needed some more information from you."
"That was all the information you have. Now, leave."
"If only you could tell me one thing..."
"Alright. What's that?", asked Detective Grumpy.
"How fast was Jack? And what vehicle was he driving?"
"No. I won't tell you that. Finding that is your Job!"

Mr. Stupid had to leave the room. But he knew something was suspicious. They had all met after ten minutes. Why were they planning to meet? The four were up to no good. But what were they dealing with?

He needed a clue. But Detective Grumpy wasn't speaking. Mr. Stupid stopped by a restaurant and decided to have a drink. As he sipped his tea, the pieces started to fit in. He got up to run. On the way, the teacup fell and broke. He could hear the waitress yell, "You broke my teacup? You better get back and clean this up..."

Mr. Stupid was solving a case. Cleaning could always wait. He was back in his room. He removed all the files and looked at the names again. Oh, how hadn't he seen this before. The four were part of a Numbers racket. They were also call the "Integers". They had met that day for a purpose. It was a meeting with Mr. 999. Jack had brought him to the location.

Case solved! Mr. Stupid ran to Detective Grumpy's room. He had a blank stare and was grumpy as usual. "Here. It's 999."
Detective Grumpy nodded. It was either a Yes or a No!

My Brother gave me this aptitude question. 999 was the wrong answer. He asked, "How did you get that?".
I narrated the story. He seemed a little bit shocked and surprised. And gave me the blank stare.
My Mom was still yelling from the kitchen, "Clean this mess up!"

Friday, May 14, 2010

Meeting the Principal

School was always the worst part of my day. What made it even more bad was meeting the Principal. I have been to that room more times than Mr. Principal himself. I often waited for him outside his room. He would be late for school most times.

I was there for the first time in second grade. It was the Art class and I was drawing a house. My teacher stopped by and said, "You need to draw a flower. Its on the board. Copy it down."
"Since, I have started with a house, I will finish this and add a tiny flower to make you happy."
"You might want to erase the entire house and draw a bigger flower."
, he said.
"How about we do this. You get me a bigger paper and I will draw a bigger house and then a flower."

The next moment, I was at the Principal's office. My parents were called. They were surprised and so was Mr. Principal to find a second grader in his room.

Then there were other excuses of how the dog ate my homework and the monster under my bed that didn't let me do my assignments. There was this one time during the Maths class.
"Everyone can submit their assignments here."

I was raising my hand and then said, "Unfortunately, I couldn't do the assignment."
"And why is that?"
"I was on a secret mission, Ma'am."
"And can I know what that was?"
"Telling that wouldn't keep it a secret, would it?"

I was again sent to the Principal's office. He looked very sad and a little bit sleepy. It was 8:45 am. School began at 8:30.
He looked at me and said, "Already? So what did you do this time?"
"Sir, I did nothing. I was unable to complete my assignment."
"May I ask why?"
I told him about the secret mission.
"Aaaa... Alright. Go to your class."

Maybe, he knew all about it. Anyways, second grade was filled with meeting the principal time. We were best buddies. He always had the same look on his face and said, "What this time?"

Third grade arrived. I was at the Science class. I hated it very much. And we had a talk on that particular day. My topic was, "Plants and Animals".
I was called to the front of the class. I began -

Today, I am going to tell you guys everything about Plants and Animals. Plants can be dangerous. Keep away from them. After the recent arrival of Aliens to planet Earth, plants and shrubs now have teeth. The next time you touch them, you might get bitten and need fifteen stitches with an Anti-rabies vaccine.
Animals can be equally scary. Never fall for their looks. These are actually aliens in costumes and are planning to take you to a planet you can't even spell. Then, they make you an alien and send you back to Earth. I would recommend that you keep away from both Plants and Animals and the so called subject, Science. At times, I wonder if teachers are part of the Alien clan too...The End!

Drum roll... Again, the Principal's office. My parents were called and I was asked to repeat the entire speech. It looked like the Science teacher was waiting for the last line. Once I was done, my Mom asked, "That's a talk on Plants and Animals?"
"Everybody wants the same old thing. I can't help it..."

My parents and the teacher were shocked. Though, Mr. Principal still had the same expression...

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Mother's Day Gifts

Everything was perfectly planned. We had the card ready and the flowers were about to arrive anytime.
At 12 am, my brother and I wished my mom "Happy Mother's Day!". My dog was there too. He barked a couple of times. It meant "Happy Mother's Day" or "Can I get some food?"

My Brother had made a Greeting Card. We gave it to her. The moment she saw it, she seemed a little bit shocked, but then she thanked both of us.

I decided to look at the card. It was made from a Newspaper. On one side was news and on the other was a blank sheet stuck with words written.

Happy Mother's Day!

Well... Here you go...
From your Sons.

Both of us are bad at creativity. My Mom thanked us and went to sleep. So did my Dog when he realized he wasn't getting anything to eat.
Anyways, we had ordered for a bouquet of roses. Since the guy at the store couldn't come, my brother's friends volunteered. Weird beard and Mister Boo were more than happy to come over and drop the flowers.
They were supposed to come at twelve. But then, they came a bit later and called my brother on his phone. We went down and the guys kept blinking. Now, blinking meant trouble!

They had brought the bouquet but it was missing many roses.
"Where are all the flowers?"
"Well, as we got out of the store and to the Parking lot, a dog appeared from nowhere and began barking..."
"We ran. And while running, dropped the flowers."
"Go on..."
"The dog ate them."

Since, the flowers were part of the Gift, we had to do something. We didn't have any roses in our garden. And plucking other flowers was a big NO! The only place to go was my neighbor's house.
We first planned of sneaking into his backyard. But then we decided to knock and ask. Since it was 12.30 am, that wasn't advisable too. Morning was a good time to come. Mister Boo and Weird Beard left and we both went to sleep.

We dropped by my neighbor's house at 6 am. His wife opened the door.
"Happy Mother's Day!"
"Thank you so much, boys!"
"You're welcome. Can we have a flower? Its a Mother's day gift for Mom."
"Sure. Pick whichever you like."

As we were looking, my neighbor arrived.
"You guys need any help?"
"No thanks. We were here to pick a flower."

We decided to pick two. The guy was still standing next to us. As we left he said, "Didn't you mean a flower? I see you've picked two."
I couldn't think of anything but this, "This one is for you. Happy Mother's day!"
Oh no. Why did I wish him? Anyways, he didn't say a thank you. He kept staring!

As we ran home, the rose decided to fall off his hands and I stamped it. The rose was now off the stick. Getting to my neighbor's house wasn't a wise thing to do after wishing him.
Alternative? Put the rose back. I sellotaped the flower to the stick and we gave it to my Mom. We kept smiling like two tortoises expecting her to ignore the tape. Looks like she did see it. She was happy though. But again shocked...

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Harry Potato and the Worthless stone - I

Everyone's writing stories. I thought, I would give it a try too.
You will find that this is pretty similar to something you've seen or read. But NO. A witch brainwashed your mind to compare the two stories.
Note - You can either Boo or Yay at the end of the story!

An evil wizard has just been defeated by an year old kid. Lord Voldesquirt could only manage to land a Pore on the boy's head when he used a spell with a wooden stick which he claimed was a wand.

The boy on the other hand was the Chosen one. His name was Harry Potato.
Harry was found in a field when a Farmer accidentally planted him assuming he was a real Potato.
"I am sorry. Your head looks exactly like a Potato!"
"I know. A guy did it when his spell went wrong."
"Tell me more about it..."

Harry Potato narrated his story. He told the farmer about his journey to the Veggies section of the Supermarket and then how Lord Voldesquirt had found him and managed to make his face a potato with a pore.
The Farmer kept Harry at his home. Harry was assigned the post of guarding the farm. Trespassers were often freaked out looking at a walking potato.

On Harry's eleventh birthday, an Owl appeared from nowhere carrying a letter. It was an Invitation for Harry to join a Wizard School.
Harry replied to the mail asking if there were any vacancies for potatoes.
He got a reply in an hour by Email. The Owl was very lazy to deliver it again.

Dear Harry Potato,
We have plenty of space in our School. If not, we can squish you and place you in a corner. HA HA HA. Sorry.
Kind wishes,

Harry was now exited and showed the letter to the Farmer. He was really happy and sent him to the School.
On the way, Harry met a giant. His name was Horrid. He took harry to a Wand shop.
"I need to get a stick too?"
, asked Harry.
"These are wands. You can use spells with them."
"And why should I do that?"
"Because you're a wizard, Harry!"
"A Wizard? I thought I was just a walking, talking potato."
"No... You don't know who made you a potato by adding that pore on your head."
"Who's You don't know who and why don't I know him?"
"Aaaa... Well, let's talk about that later. Just choose a stick, sorry a wand now!"

Harry took a Stick that was pointy. He felt it could be used to poke people in combat.

Horrid took Harry with him to a Bank. They moved around in a wagon with weird tiny people around them.
"What are these?", asked Harry.
"They are employees of the bank. In other words, Leprepongs!"
"That's a cool name..."
"Yeah, I know. Anyways, here we are."

The wagon stopped and Horrid got down. They had arrived at a vault. Inside was a stone. Horrid spoke to one of the Leprepongs and was handed the stone.

"Harry, whatever you saw here is a secret. Don't tell it to anyone."
"What is it Horrid?"
"This is the Worthless stone. Its so worthless that evil people like You don't know who want to use it to destroy the world."

"Okay. About this
You don't know who guy. Why don't I know him?"
"I don't know either. Anyways, lets go now."
"Hey. Don't I have a vault in this bank?"
"Nah. All you had were a few potatoes. I mean the real ones. A guy from a Supermarket stole them. Harry, you need to find and collect all of them before the dark forces do it!"

So began Harry Potato's journey. He was the chosen one and finding the potatoes was his task...   (to be continued)

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Chatting for the Intelligent

The Internet has come a long way. Chatting has been one big thing that ever happened. Connecting Intelligent people with one another and making instant messaging possible.
Though, chatting hasn't helped me much. My Friends and I spoke the same thing before and now, we did it on a computer!

We never discussed anything important. Our conversations never made much sense.
: Hey! How's it going?
: How's what going?
: Okay. Let me rephrase - What are you doing?
: Uhh... What am I doing? Well... Oh yeah, I am chatting!
: And before that?
: I was watching TV. Actually, I had plans of plucking my Eyebrows.
: Okay... I better go now.
: See ya.
My first Intelligent friend. Being too truthful can be an issue. Plucking Eyebrows? Gross! Asking what he was doing was a big mistake.

The Chats we had were normally hard to believe and understand. This conversation was with another friend.
: Hey!
: Hi. We just had a snowfall here.
: What? I live just a couple of blocks away. Its not snowing here.
: Didn't you read the "HERE". A cloud appeared on top of my house from nowhere and it started snowing. And guess what?
: What...
: We got 5 inches of snow.
: Okay... and?
: 5 inches is a lot!
: Yeah right. Are you stuck in your house?
: Actually, yes. The Snow has covered my house. My dog is working on the digging part.
: You should be helping him then.
: Good idea! See ya.
Another intelligent chap. Though, there have been similar people in my life - My neighbor, the postman, Bobo the bully and others.

But, there was this one time when my Uncle got his new computer.
: How do you do? Love, Uncle.
: Hi. I am right here. This is Instant Messaging. You don't have to write like that.
: Okay. What else do you think I can use this Computer for?
: You can go on the Internet. Click on Start at the bottom.
: Alright!

The Alright was the last message I got. Then, he called me on my phone.
"This Internet is pretty dangerous."
"And why is that?"
"I just got a visit from a Virus. It seems pretty scary!"
"Okay. And what was it like?"
"With gray boxes. Every time I clicked on the box, it would show me a flag. Then there were numbers and then Bombs."
"That's Minesweeper."
"I know what it is. The Internet can't be trusted."
"Yeah, I know. You better keep away!"

Again, signs of Intelligence. Internet sure has made this world a better place. Drum Roll...

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Old People's Safety Department

Old people everywhere hate me. And to make the hating even more professional, the Department was formed. Maybe, its time I mentioned how it all started.

The department is meant to save Old people from dangerous clumsy fellows all over the world. I was part of the forming.
Don't clap right away. I was the reason why it was established.

Going back four years when it all began. I had a cold and decided to visit a nearby Hospital. A lady at the reception gave me a Number and wanted me to wait until it was called.

Next to me were people. One among them was an Elderly woman. She smiled at me and I greeted her. I had a comfortable seat to sit on and I fell asleep.

I could hear 80. It kept echoing in my head. I looked at the display machine. It read 80. A guy sitting next to me was either trying to wake me up or steal the token from my hand.
Again, the 80 was heard. I looked closely at the display and then at my token. They had a similarity. Both read 80!

Up, I scrambled, holding the book I was reading in one hand and pulling out the headphones. I tried running but nothing was happening. I was doing everything really fast and I was allergic to speed.
I tried to get on my feet. I thrust my hands outward and hit something. The moment my hand collided, there was a yelp.

Now, that was strange. Anyways, I ran towards the reception as I got out of my Sleeping frenzy. Everyone were staring at me. Including the nurse. I looked back and found a woman covering her face with both her hands. Oh yeah, she was the one sitting besides me a few minutes ago. She then had a smile. But that was now covered with her hands.

A quick recap made me realize what had happened. On one side was a nurse giving me filthy looks and on the other side was a woman who had just been slapped on the face.
You might think I apologized. Well, I did the exact opposite. I ran. Out of the hospital to the street.

To be frank, I felt bad about what had happened. I had just slapped a woman on her face. An apology was not possible as all the rude looks were favoring her. She did not sue me. But started the "Department to save faces of Old Woman!".

But the actual thing was formed due to a guy. Yup, an Old guy. The man was in his sixties and was my neighbor's Uncle. I dropped by his house and convinced him to go with me to the park. I was actually trying to fix relationships with my neighbor. Though, it made it even more worse.

We had a walk around the park and finally sat on the grass. There was a huge sign which read, "Keep off the grass".
He said, "Son, are you sure we can sit here? The sign says we shouldn't."
"Don't worry. They will be removing it shortly. And, I sit here everyday!"

That was the first day I was at the park. And also the first time I had ever seen the sign. All of a sudden, we had water splashing on our faces. It wasn't raining. The sprinklers had begun.
I managed to get out and run but the Old man was surrounded with sprinklers who were shooting water at him.

I saved him. But was very late. He got a cold and my neighbor was even more furious. The Old man went to the Hospital only to find the woman at the same spot still covering her face and narrating her story.

The two spoke and decided to join forces. The "Old People's Safety Department" was established and all elderly people on Earth and the one's from Mars were asked to keep away from me...