Sunday, May 2, 2010

Old People's Safety Department

Old people everywhere hate me. And to make the hating even more professional, the Department was formed. Maybe, its time I mentioned how it all started.

The department is meant to save Old people from dangerous clumsy fellows all over the world. I was part of the forming.
Don't clap right away. I was the reason why it was established.

Going back four years when it all began. I had a cold and decided to visit a nearby Hospital. A lady at the reception gave me a Number and wanted me to wait until it was called.

Next to me were people. One among them was an Elderly woman. She smiled at me and I greeted her. I had a comfortable seat to sit on and I fell asleep.

I could hear 80. It kept echoing in my head. I looked at the display machine. It read 80. A guy sitting next to me was either trying to wake me up or steal the token from my hand.
Again, the 80 was heard. I looked closely at the display and then at my token. They had a similarity. Both read 80!

Up, I scrambled, holding the book I was reading in one hand and pulling out the headphones. I tried running but nothing was happening. I was doing everything really fast and I was allergic to speed.
I tried to get on my feet. I thrust my hands outward and hit something. The moment my hand collided, there was a yelp.

Now, that was strange. Anyways, I ran towards the reception as I got out of my Sleeping frenzy. Everyone were staring at me. Including the nurse. I looked back and found a woman covering her face with both her hands. Oh yeah, she was the one sitting besides me a few minutes ago. She then had a smile. But that was now covered with her hands.

A quick recap made me realize what had happened. On one side was a nurse giving me filthy looks and on the other side was a woman who had just been slapped on the face.
You might think I apologized. Well, I did the exact opposite. I ran. Out of the hospital to the street.

To be frank, I felt bad about what had happened. I had just slapped a woman on her face. An apology was not possible as all the rude looks were favoring her. She did not sue me. But started the "Department to save faces of Old Woman!".

But the actual thing was formed due to a guy. Yup, an Old guy. The man was in his sixties and was my neighbor's Uncle. I dropped by his house and convinced him to go with me to the park. I was actually trying to fix relationships with my neighbor. Though, it made it even more worse.

We had a walk around the park and finally sat on the grass. There was a huge sign which read, "Keep off the grass".
He said, "Son, are you sure we can sit here? The sign says we shouldn't."
"Don't worry. They will be removing it shortly. And, I sit here everyday!"

That was the first day I was at the park. And also the first time I had ever seen the sign. All of a sudden, we had water splashing on our faces. It wasn't raining. The sprinklers had begun.
I managed to get out and run but the Old man was surrounded with sprinklers who were shooting water at him.

I saved him. But was very late. He got a cold and my neighbor was even more furious. The Old man went to the Hospital only to find the woman at the same spot still covering her face and narrating her story.

The two spoke and decided to join forces. The "Old People's Safety Department" was established and all elderly people on Earth and the one's from Mars were asked to keep away from me...

37 comments:

  1. Oh boy Mr S you have that knack of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Do you think they will still be alerts against you as you get older or will someone else take on that dubious honor?

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  2. Oh dear, You didnnot know what you were doing so don't feel too bad about things. It's done and can't be undone.

    Take care.
    Yvonne.

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  3. you are such a misunderstood fellow :-)

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  4. hehe...poor you, getting in all these scrapes...how do u manage it?

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  5. you seem an encouraging and well rounded person,
    You deserve the best!
    Happy Monday!

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  6. Surprised no one's mentioned this in their election address. They've missed a trick or two there, I'm thinking!

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  7. Better watch out they may be growing in numbers... lol...

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  8. LOL!! I just love your posts,they're all so lively!

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  9. Oh yes!!!!!! I love Monkeys and dogs...and if you've ever visited my teaching website, you'll know I have a slight obsession with Aliens too...

    Good thinking!

    Happy Monday,
    Hope :-)

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  10. Better to have slapped her in the face than have reached out and grabbed a hand hold so you could stand up......

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  11. That old woman really should've gotten over the slapping incident sooner.

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  12. :O So pictures of your face is posted everywhere in the 'Old People Safety Department'? I can not imagine the look on your face when you took off when the water sprinkler turned on and looked back to see your neighbor all soaked up. LOL..

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  13. Even the old people on Mars were told to keep away from you? Man, you must be one heck of a bad ass motherf***er to have the "Department" put out a warning like that. Goodness!

    Personally, I don't think you did anything wrong. Old people usually like it when you slap them. It reminds them, when they feel the sting of your hand, how alive they still are. some have even thanked me. You just had a bad experience and these people formed a "Department" over one silly incident. Don't worry! I still think you're a good man!

    funny post, dude

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  14. Have you ever peaked through your window and seen a mysterious vehicle parked outside?
    That's the Old Peoples's Hit Squad. They are just waiting for you to make one small mistake and then it's 'Goodnight Vienna'!
    That's what they're like.

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  15. Hi Mr Stupid. Wow! You're even famous on Mars?

    Bearfriend xx

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  16. i would suggest you try not to help them across the street...you never know what might happen. lol.

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  17. i start reading and i just can't stop....lol

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  18. If I was you I would just stay in your bedroom where your dog likes to pee. At least you will have your dog and maybe just maybe he might protect you from the Old Woman and the Old Man!! I really wouldn't count on it though. You really have to watch old people sometimes you never know what they might do. GOOD LUCK!! TOODLES :)

    Gina
    motherof1princessand2princes.blogspot.com

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  19. Gwei Mui: Maybe, by then the "Older People's Safety Department" will be formed... LOL
    I should try to be the department's president. Hopefully, by then my face changes!:)

    Pat: Glad you liked. It sure was ridiculous. Especially, slapping her face!

    Yvonne: Only if I could time travel. That would help a lot. Really...:)

    outdoor.mom: Yeah. And I wonder why it keeps happening again and again. Nobody realizes my true potential! hehe

    Lazy Pineapple: After all these mistakes, it has got really easy. I expect something bad everyday. And that really helps...:)

    Gillian: Is that "On my way"? Don't tell me you are joining the department!

    Jingle: My brother said the same thing. But in a sarcastic way and a lame expression! LOL
    Have a good day...:)

    Dave: I guess they have plans of promoting the Campaign once the elections are over...:)

    Chrissy: Maybe, they are going around with my picture. I am planning to add in a artificial mustache! That should help.

    TheLittleFlower: Glad you liked it. Thanks for stopping by...:)

    Hope Chella: Wow. You know aliens too? I knew them. But that was until we argued and have not spoken since... LOL
    Thanks for stopping by...:)

    Rachel: That's somewhat convincing. Though, that would have been less shocking to her compared to the slap!

    Theresa: Old People have a great memory. That shows how she kept repeating the same thing in the hospital even after, I guess, 5 months!

    RoseBelle: I felt really bad. Actually shocked and surprised. Somewhat like this - :|

    Kelly: Yay. That means you are the only person who can save me from the Department. Give them a lecture about not chasing the innocent me.
    Old people like to get slapped? That's interesting.... hehe
    Thanks for stopping by!

    Bazza: I have seen them. Actually, I have seen something even more suspicious. An old lady across the street who takes a lot of time to cross. Maybe, she is studying my every move.
    Okay, I am moving to the Moon! It should be safe for now...:)

    Bearfriend: Yup. The green people carry my photo around. And that's not a good thing... hehe

    Brian: There might be a flamethrower in their walker. That can be pretty dangerous. Believe me!

    PMC: Glad you liked it...:)

    Gina: Now that you've mentioned, maybe my Dog is a secret agent. He's kept spying on me all these years. That explains why he never learned from the Obedience Trainer... hehe

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  20. hi..coming by for the first time.. have a nice week ahead..

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  21. whew! for a minute there i was kinda scared that i fit into your old farts department but since you haven't slapped my face or placed me in harms way, we must be good to go ;) hang in there mr. stupid...at least they're easy to spot!

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  22. haha this is nice looks you enjoyed alot haha

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  23. You're so funny! I used to work with old people before I worked with children. They're both kind of ornery.

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  24. Oh, yeah, Mars has your number. WOrd travels quickly there, you know, they use telepathy.

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  25. The next time you visit a doctor, ask him for any pill that will make you a normal person.
    Nice reading. :D)

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  26. you have set a record of being at wrong place in wrong time ,but i feel you are very great person which is completely misunderstood by the cruel world ,take great care dear

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  27. You are very clever and so darn cute. Then again, I don't have my bifocals on.
    Thanks for the follow. I'm doing the same.
    xoRobyn

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  28. I think I saw your face on a "WANTED" poster at the "Shady Acres Retirement Home."

    I would watch out, they're coming for you. Old people are EVERYWHERE...

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  29. wow, your creativeness is off the charts...well i hope its creativeness because i think you just frightened all the wall walkers!

    thanks for the stopping by.

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  30. Ha ha ha!!! Ok this really made me laugh. I love this. I might have to come to this blog pretty often. Made my day. Thanks!! I don't know many old people, but I think I would probably be a danger to them also...

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  31. This is so funny. I was flying to see my sister in Houston once and an elderly gentleman sitting beside me fell asleep. When we hit some turbulence, he reacted like you did and smacked me in the face. Unfortunately for him, he couldn't run....lol


    Still laughing at your post!

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  32. I used to work in a nursing home in college. I called BINGO numbers and served cake at parties. My title was "Recreation Assistant" ... old peeps hate me :(

    FourthGradeNothing.com

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  33. lol oh that was gorgeous...So nice to meet you :o)

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  34. Reanaclaire: Thanks for stopping by...:)

    sheri...: I am glad you weren't at the Hospital the day the slapping took place. They might have recruited you into the department...:)

    knk: Looks can be scary:)

    Tracie: I prefer staying away from Old People. To be accurate, 50 meters. I am sure my hand's are not that big to land a slap on their face... hehe

    The Empress: I heard from a source that they are using my face on their flags. That way, they can educate the young martians so that they can join the Department when they are older... LOL

    Ummie: I should do that. Though, I have an issue with docs too... LOL
    That's a different story!

    Baili: This sure is a Cruel World. I am planning to use masks from the next time...:)

    Robyn: Bifocals are a necessity while determining cleverness and cuteness. Get them the next time...:)
    Thanks for the follow!

    Dr. Heckle: I have seen it too. BTW, did you have a look at their basement. They store dangerous ammunition like the walker with the flamethrower and the false dog teeth... LOL

    Sammy: The Frightened act is to lure me in the open. That way, they can take me to the department and later send me to Mars... hehe

    Lindzena: Don't worry. You can always tickle them to scare them away. It works! hehe
    Thanks for stopping by. Glad you liked it...:)

    VKT: Maybe that's one reason why they board the flight with a parachute. That way, they can get away faster... LOL
    Glad you liked the post! Smiles:)

    Ally: Did you call the numbers while they were sleeping? Now, that makes them upset... hehe

    Niki: Nice to meet you too. Toodles!:)

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  35. This is a good thing. Them forming a department because of you makes you a VIP! Maybe I should inadvertently cause some octogenarian mayhem so that I can become a VIP too... :P

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