Monday, May 31, 2010

Trip to Water Hell

My Great grandfather wasted most of his time in the Swimming Pool. He was a swimmer and loved the cold water. At least, that was what my Mom said.

She wanted her sons to be good swimmers just like her Grandfather. Her first son was a lazy bear and bears hated swimming. So, she was determined to make his brother a swimmer. And that was me! Even though, I pretended to be a bear, she didn't fall for it.

One morning, she stood near our Car and looked very exited. "C'mon let's go!"

"Go where?"
"I signed you up for Swimming classes."

I ran around the house, in the backyard and on my Neighbor's lawn. She followed me everywhere and was catching up. After twenty minutes of chasing, I was caught, tied up to the Car's seat with the seat belt and we were on our way to the Water Hell.
"I don't want Swimming lessons."

"Don't worry. They'll be fun!"
"What if I drown in the water?"
"That's one reason why you need to learn Swimming."

We were at the place early in the morning. The classes would start at 9 AM and we were half an hour early. There were weird people by the Parking Lot. They were my mom's friends, looking very exited after sending their kids to the Water Hell.

I entered the complex by nine. There were many kids of my age and one really huge kid. I kept walking around the pool. The water was really cold and it was a stupid thing to even touch it.
The huge kid said, "Everyone in the water."

"And who are you to give us orders?"
, I asked.

"Well, I am your Swimming Instructor."

So, the huge kid was actually my teacher.

"I don't care. The water's freezing and I refuse to get in."
"What's that?"
"There in the sky."

The next moment, I was in the pool. The guy had pushed me in and acted as though, nothing had happened!

We were made to stay in the pool for ten minutes. Then the guy started the lessons.
My turn was there quick. "I will hold you horizontally on the surface..."
"No thanks. I am happy just standing here."

"Don't be shy."
The guy held me and said, "Now move you legs and hands simultaneously."

"Air. I am drowning. Help!"

I panicked. My legs and hands were moving around really fast. I manged to punch the guy on his face a few times. There were a few kicks too. We were both yelling at each other.
"I guess, that's enough of training."
, he said.

"Yeah. So, can I go home now?"
"No. Its just 9:30. We have classes till eleven."
"Sir, I am freezing. I might go into a shock and drown. Then they will arrest you and this Swimming Complex will be shut down forever."
"I am sure nothing like that will happen. Anyways, I will now show you guys a technique that will help you if you get stranded at sea."
"That won't happen. I have no plans of going to sea..."
"Okay. Just learn it for fun. Its called the Dead Man's Float."

Those words kept ringing in my head. The Dead Man part was enough to freak me out. I shouted, fell and then screamed, "Help! Mom, Help!"
The huge kid picked me up and dropped me next to my Mom's Car. She was still chatting with the weird people. The Swimming Instructor gave both of us looks and then left.

"Why did you put a seven year old through so much of terror. That guy almost tried killing us with the Dead Man's float. And guess what he threw me in the water before. I am never going there again!"

My Mom's dream to see a Swimmer in me was shattered. She had me join Art classes next. Maybe her Great grandfather was an artist. Those went bad too...


  1. Oh Mr S I feel for you. I hated swimming lessons when was at school - although I was quite good at it. The taste of the pool water and the echoing sound just didn't add to the experieince. Though I was never uncerimoniously dumped into the pool. Thankfully my parent snever wanted me to be a swimmer but my Mother did want me to go to art school!

  2. Oh man, I feel your pain! I was force fed in a swimming pool myself.

  3. Ohh I too don't know how to swim..though I plan to take lessons :)

    It is a good way to exercise..that is what I have heard :)

  4. You were a small boy with full of excuses.
    Did your mother or your teachers ever put up deaf ears to your excusues?

  5. Poor boy...that's it! When u don wanna do or try to learn something, you'll have lots of excuses not to...but if you like to do something, still you will have lots of means to have it...escaping is never the best option, rather, why not face it!

    Comes next to swimming, the arts? Oh i could now imagine how you'd mess up again with your trainer if that's how you call him!

    Hope he'll not get smudges on his face and arms, compliments of a hard-headed young boy!

    Silly you, you made me laugh here!

  6. I remember my lessons too... After awhile I got the hang of it.. then again I had a crush on the instructor! his name was Will omg...gorgeous, then there was Robert- eh, so-so...

  7. what sad but touching story...
    beautiful writing!

  8. oh, my, goodness! what a terrible thing for a seven year old to endure! i was thinking your instructor was sure you would come around...NOT! aren't you glad that your great grandfather wasn't a skydiver or a catcher of rattlesnakes?? ;)i'm just saying...

  9. "My Great grandfather wasted most of his time in the Swimming Pool." -- from your first line, Mr. Stupid, I knew this was gonna be an adventure. I hope the art classes were much less traumatic :)

  10. Interesting what parents put kids through. My daughters didn't particularly like a weekend summer camp once. That was there first and last 'camp' experience.

  11. You tell stories amazingly well, Mr. Stupid. Too bad that mean, fat kid was your teacher. That's enough to scare anyone into taking art classes for life.

  12. That reminded me of my own swimming lessons..I never let go of the bar on the edges of the pool that was meant for training us to flap our legs..that was the last I saw of the swimming pool ever!! :)

  13. lol..I was pretty much half fish growing up, so I can't relate to the terror. But the cold water...that's the worst!!!

  14. Oh. Swimming Lessons. Don't make me go back there again. Please? I enjoyed your story though! Do we get to hear about the art classes?

  15. haha. i barely remember swimming lessons...i know my sister had a crush on the instructor...cant wait to hear about art

  16. lol, now that is funny....they will arrest you and this Swimming Complex will be shut down forever....classic! LOL!

  17. Did you avoid baths after that traumatic experience?

  18. LMAO, priceless.

    Peace, Love and Chocolate

  19. awww lol...i want to hear about art class...

  20. "I have no plans of going to sea..." -- ha ha! Love it.

    And what is up with those people that just throw their babies in the water and then expect them to swim?

  21. Swimming lessons were HELL for me too!
    I was so scared, I didn't get IN the water til my 4th lesson. I only had like 6.

  22. Ohhhh you were such a dramatic little brat! Ha!
    Okay, seriously I don't know who's traumatized or the teacher!

    You are a great storyteller!

  23. Your swimming was my piano and tennis. No fun! But of course now I wish I had embraced the chance to learn and practice. Ha!

  24. HAHAHA this is so funny! I am so -your mom- I made Josh take swimming lessons when he was a baby. He was NOT happy, he likes the water a lot more now. There was a mom there that had a baby that was about 8 months old and she was baby talking to him ya' know 'Goo-goo ga-ga' and then she would give him a COMPLETE dunk under water . . . it would only be for a second- but I thought it was SO WEIRD!?!

  25. Did you ever learn to swim? I'm glad today my p's pushed me into swim, tennis, dance, art, and piano lessons. Though I could have done without the piano lessons. The woman was a witch...

  26. Where..."
    The next moment, I was in the pool. The guy had pushed me in and acted as though, nothing had happened!"--

    I snorted my crystal light all over! Hate it when that happens. As I look over your comments--maybe I misunderstood your post. I thought you were being sarcastic and funny--everyone else's comment seems so serious. Sorry if I didn't get it right. Glad you came and followed my blog so I could come follow you!

  27. Me and my twin brother went to swimming lessons when we were little. I was the brave one my twin brother was the scary cat like you. I made my daughter go to swimming lessons last summer because she is just like her mother so brave and not a scary cat like you. My daughter was not afraid of the water so that is why I sent her so she can learn how to swim. I am sure she can swim in the sea too. If I was you I would of push that big huge kid in the pool and made a huge title wave. HA! But then again you would of drown yourself and the other kids. ((HUGS!)) :o)


  28. oh you poor thing! that must have been awfull! i love the water but i don't know anybody who liked it from swimming lessons. none of my kids took them and they all swim like fish. i think just hanging out in and around the water is a better way to learn :-) i'm sure your mom meant well......

  29. Traumatic stuff -- I remember my own swimming lesson all too clearly.

  30. I hated swimming lessons. I was so scared when I was a kid that I used to throw up before and after each lesson. I know, disgusting! But I was horrified.

    I can swim now and I grew to like it, but probably because I didn't have some big dude throwing me in. That would have been the end. Although it might have been nice to upchuck all over him.

  31. Thank you for always stopping by...
    you are very promising writer...
    keep it up.

  32. I hated taking swimming lessons and didn't even actually learn much.I've never forced my kids to have to learn-am I bad?

  33. You have a great narrative talent and I so enjoy reading the recollections from your childhood.;)
    This brought back memories of when I learned to swim. I too was tossed into a pool but I never did well there. I learned to swim first years later in the sea, on a vacation at the Med.

  34. This really takes me back to my own swimming lesson days. For the most part, I tried to stay in the shallow end of the pool...

  35. So ... have you ever learned to enjoy "water hell" or were you traumatized for life?

  36. Good one! Love those memories.

    Now, the art lessons, please...

  37. I would love to know about your art lessons!

  38. I agree. You are a great story teller.


  39. Your swimming training experience sounds kind of like mine. Yours is funny/horrifying like mine was. The instructor telling you to do the Dead Man's Float (bad name choice for a type of swim) and expecting you to trust him as you lay on your back as he held you is pure stupidity on his part. I was about ten when I was forced to go to swim class. I was scared. Want to hear something stupid?

    The first thing the instructor wanted us to do was dive or jump off a really high diving board. When my legs stopped shaking and I did finally jump, I jumped right on top of her face. I nearly broke her damn nose and knocked her out. Back then, I was embarrassed. Now, I laugh about it.

    I never learned how to swim in that class but later I did about 2 years from then. Here is the easiest first step in learning how to swim. It is so freaking simple, I don't know why in the hell instructors just don't tell you to do this in the first place.

    Here it is:

    First- Hold your breath and close your eyes in the shallow end of the pool or where your feet can safely touch the floor. Next slowly slide vertically down into the water for a few seconds. Repeat these steps continuously, attempting to last a little longer each consecutive time you go down into the water. Sometime during these self-imposed "dunks", open your eyes, gradually getting your eyes used to the water.


    When you feel you have achieved this, take the second set of steps...

    Hold your breath, go down into the water and move your arms and legs around. Soon enough, you will swim. There is no need to do any complicated styles of swimming yet. You're just beginning.

    Again... simple instructions. Take care.

  40. I learned to swim when my brothers threw me in the lake and told me to sink or swim. Needless to say, I sank then swam and still love to swim.

  41. Gwei: I hated that smell too. BTW, my parents had a hundred options with them. Every time I messed up one class, they would enroll me in another!

    Pat: And that's really scary. So did you learn swimming?

    Lazy Pineapple: Give it a try. Though, leave if you find a huge kid to be your instructor. I am sure he's still out there... hehe

    Ummie: They got used to it. But there was something new every time...:)

    Amity: Maybe, he's trying to hunt me down. And that scares me a lot. Glad you liked the post. Smiles:)

    Chrissy: A crush on your instructor? HA! Glad you got a hang of moving around in the Water Hell...:)

    Jingle: It sure is sad. At least for the Instructor and my Mom. LOL

    Sheri: Glad he's not one of those. A Swimmer was enough to freak me out... hehe

    Talon: They were better. Though, not much!

    Paul: Camps are the worst. Seriously, staying in a forest with who knows what moving around you all the time. I had been there once as a Scout.

    Robyn: I know. How do you expect a fat kid to dive in and save you when you're drowning. Fat and Swimming pool results in a huge wave! LOL

    Gautam: I never got to use the Bar. Maybe, that was for Day 2 which never happened... hehe

    Olleymae: Cold Freezing Water. Always the worst thing... ever!

    Bossy Betty: The Art Classes are hidden at the back of my head. It might take sometime for that to come in the front..:)

    Brian: A crush on the instructor? Phew. Maybe, he was a huge kid wearing a costume to look good!:)

    Sheila: Glad you liked it. Smiles:)

    Alex: Yes I do! hehe Baths can be dangerous too. Drowning, going into a shock. Anything can happen...:)

    Tiffany: Thanks for stopping by. Glad you liked it.

    Natalee: They weren't this bad. Seriously. Smiles:)

    Tammy: Maybe Lord Swimmer popped in their dream and asked them to do so. I would love to meet that guy sometime...:)

    MiMi: That's cool. I had similar plans.

    Girl from Cherry: We both were. He looked a bit worried though. When he dropped me next to my Mom, he stared at the both of us. Maybe, that was traumatized...:)

    Fabuleslie: Glad I have never been to those classes. Have a good day!

    Stacey: That's scary. I guess the Baby was yelling at his Mom in Baby language. Its nice that Josh likes the water now.

    I Wonder Wye: Witches are scary right? Anyway, I never learned to swim. Though, I tried it once in a Bathtub...:)

    Lisa: That was a mean thing to do. Maybe, he deserved all the punches... LOL
    Glad you liked the post and thanks for following.

    Gina: The huge kid in the water would have created a wave. Not a very good Lifeguard...:) She did and always does. Its amazing that they've learned swimming on their own...:)

    Vicki Lane: So did you learn swimming? Thanks for stopping by. Toodles!

    Guys: Glad you got to learn swimming. Huge kid as a trainer, not a very good choice!:)

    Six Feet Under Blog: Nope. But go ahead, make them join those classes. That way, they can Blog about it sometime later... LOL
    Have a good day!

    Zuzana: Wow. I am glad you learned swimming on your own. Thanks for stopping by...:)

    Deborah: That's the safest place to be at. Toodles!

    Beth: I guess, the second option... hehe

    The Empress: Thanks for stopping by. Have a good day.

    YogaSavy: Those were really dumb. Worse than the Swimming classes.

    Paula: Thanks for stopping by. I'll be at your Blog tomorrow...:)

    Kelly: Thanks for all those tips, Kelly. I guess I will try swimming around in my bathtub... hehe

    Mamma has spoken: Sink or Swim. That's an awesome thing to say when somebody is starting of... LOL

  42. I see myself in you when it comes to learning to swim. I refused to learn..didn't want to learn..and just didn't like being in a pool of water in general. I'm making my kids learn though. What a hypocrite, huh?

  43. Holy Hannah…I was laughing partially because of the humor in looking back, and I shuddered at the same time. This was because I remembered my own swimming lessons experience...

  44. Deary deary me. This sounds a LOT like my childhood. My parents wanted me to become a bodybuilder of all things. I said, "No thanks. I'll just let it develop naturally as is." They didn't agree. That was a pretty miserable time. Fortunately they eventually came to their senses and got to go on as, like, you know, a NORMAL human being. Funny stuff, MS. :P

  45. You crack me up! I can't swim. I was traumatized at lessons once when an older kid pulled me under and wouldn't let me up. My kids aren't fish either.

  46. You'll have to share your art lesson stories too.

    My parents never had me take swimming lessons so I swim like a... let's just say it's not pretty. And I resent them for it.

    Parents just can't win.