Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Harry Potato and the Worthless stone - V

To read Part - IV, click here.

The next day, Harry, Pong and the other Corridors hurried down the front steps into the grounds for their first flying lesson. All the Superthins had arrived and so had Vacuum Cleaners all lying neatly on the ground. A weird woman arrived. She had a bump on her head and white short hair.

"Good Afternoon class. Welcome to your first flying lesson. I am Madam Ouch."
"Ouch? How do you spell that?"
Pong sounded curious.
"O-U-C-H. Does that matter?"
"Just asking. What's up with the bump on your head?"
"Flying accident..."
"And the short hair?"
"The same. My hair got stuck in the Vacuum Cleaner."
"Whoa. And you survived that flight?"
Harry asked.
"Yup. Anyway, let's get back to the lesson. Everyone step up to the left side of your Vacuum Cleaner."
"Vacuum Cleaners? Wizards fly on broomsticks right?"
"No they don't."
She shouted. "We use broomsticks to clean the school. Back to the lesson. Stick your right hand out and say Start!"
everyone shouted. After a few hundred tries, the Vacuum Cleaners never seemed to move.
"Oops. I forgot the important part. You need to turn on the switch and then to make it look all magical, say Start!"
"Are you sure she's a flying instructor?"
Harry whispered.
"I don't think so."
Hermione sounded confident.

Harry's Vacuum Cleaner started at once. His was the only few that worked. Hermione's wouldn't start. Pong took really long to find the switch. Neville Shortbottom had an old Vacuum Cleaner. A screw fell from its side as he was shouting "START".

"Good. Now, I want all of you to mount the Vacuum Cleaners. Now, when I blow my whistle... where's my whistle..."
Madam Ouch searched all her pockets. "Forget the whistle. I'll just count to three."
Neville Shortbottom seemed a bit nervous. He showed the screw to Madam Ouch. She snatched it from his hand and placed it inside the socket. It fell out again. This time, she kicked it a few times to hold it in place.

"I have read that the Vacuum Cleaners can hear people." Hermione said.

"Alright. Get ready - three - two"

Neville's Vacuum Cleaner turned on by itself. It was angry with Madam Ouch and flew behind her. Neville screamed as the cleaner kept rising. Madam Ouch ran and so did all the kids. Finally, the other screws gave away and Neville fell from well over twenty feet on the ground and there was a crack.

Everyone went to Neville. Madam Ouch was bending over him. "A Broken Wrist" she murmured.

"None of you will start the Vacuum Cleaners. You leave them where they are or you'll be out of Togwarts even before you can say Sandwich."

"What's Sandwich?"
a kid asked from behind.

"Its a game played by two teams of seven players riding flying vacuum cleaners, using four balls and six elevated ring-shaped goals. The...

"I think that would be enough of explanation."
Draco Bellboy interrupted Hermione. "Look at what Neville dropped." He picked up the Forgetbrall from the ground.

"Give it here, Bellboy."
Harry yelled.

"You'll have to get it then."
Draco started his Vacuum Cleaner and flew.

Harry said "START". But his Vacuum Cleaner wouldn't move. "You better start!" he yelled.

"Remember, they can hear you. Be kind..."
Hermione whispered.

"Start you dirt eater. How's that?"
It wouldn't move an inch. "C'mon. I am the hero and I need to get that thing back. Heroes always do the good things. Okay Pleeeeeeaaaaase?" Harry told until he was out of breath. The Vacuum Cleaner started.

Both Bellboy and Harry were now flying on their Vacuum Cleaners.

"Give it to me, Bellboy."
Harry said.



"Say that 189271 times."

Harry began. The kids waiting down had their dinner and then fell asleep. Bellboy was wide awake and kept adding up the "Please" on his calculator.

The next day was there and Harry was still saying Please. After sometime, "I'm done." Harry said quietly, gasping for air.

"Catch it if you can!"
Bellboy shouted and threw the glass ball in the air. It was now charging towards the ground.
Harry pointed his Vacuum Cleaner towards the Glass Ball. He gained speed and managed to get to it. He then made a landing and ran expecting everyone to cheer for him. Nobody came. Pong took the Forgetbrall from Harry's hand and left.

There was a voice from behind. It was Professor McDonald. She seemed furious. "Follow me..."   (to be continued)


  1. Oh man this is great but torture at the same time. Coz I have to wiat for the next episode! Brilliant I really do think you should publish this, I'd love to try and make a Machinima film out of this. Have a great day Mr S looking forward to the next epsiode

  2. Prof McD going to make Harry Potato his curly fries?

  3. thinking i dont want to take any lessons from someone named had a dentist once named MALICE...

  4. :) vacuum cleaners..brilliant...
    Waiting for the next part...

  5. I think using vacuum cleaners is a big improvement over brooms.

  6. Funny that they had to turn on the vaccuums normally with a switch before the magic started!

  7. "We use broomsticks to clean the school." That's hilarious.

    Great stuff :)

  8. OMG, this was hilarious, I was laughing out loud, while in the lab and the students were looking at me with strange expression.
    I can just picture your main characters all flying on the vacuum cleaners, hehe. How do you come up wit this.;)

  9. Awww c'mon! You can't leave it THERE! :(

  10. "Please?"
    "Say that 189271 times." -- that cracked me up!
    I love your creativity, Mr. Stupid! Hope you're having a fabulous day.

  11. Laughing out loud! Will look at my vaccum cleaner with the possibilities it has!

  12. Mr. Stupid...when is this coming out on video?

  13. You have to turn on the switch and make it look magical, then say Start.]

    Hahah, funny.

    Neville Shortbottom - Longbottom
    Draco Bellboy - Malfoy

    You do have a GREAT sense of humor.

  14. Broomsticks for cleaning and vacuum cleaners for flying..Awesome!! :D I am waiting for Harry to go to the ministry of magic part!! :)

  15. As always, the hilarity did not stop from beginning to end - you had me laughing throughout! I tell you, you could give Mrs. Rowling a run for her money :D

  16. It was fun to read it especially the last part.
    Have a great day!

  17. Vaccuums!!! LOL
    I can just see it now...

  18. The vacuum cleaners instead of broomsticks idea makes sense and it's a more up-to-date ride for witches.

    Very funny post in a very bizarre, yet hysterical series.

  19. Dang! I wonder . . . (looking at vacuum cleaner very hard...)

  20. You know, my vacuum is the worst at picking up dirt. Now I know it's magical. Maybe if I talk nicely to it, the vacuum will suck up some dust. And I can ride it to Sears when I need more bags.

    I'm gonna be the coolest mom in Cambridge.

  21. I'm sure you just make anything look magical!
    Funny stuff! I know I have said it before but your sense of humour is priceless!! Ohh, you never fail to make me laugh!

  22. How did you think of vacuums? Funny stuff!

  23. Oh my goodness!. Vacuum cleaner?, of course you need to turn it on to make it look magical. Hahaha...

  24. Great writing, really funny and fun. You have a lot of imagination and it is fun to read you put your imagination to good work.

  25. Hahaha Vacuum for flying? That's the new generation witches!

    Good day S!

  26. This is too funny. Can't wait for next part.

  27. Yep, as usual TechnoBabe was right; she said I'd really like your writing. Not only do I like it, but you're almost too weird for Blogger, and I say that as a courtesan of weird, y'know. Keep it up!

  28. fun stuff...
    cool names are enjoyable in any stories.

  29. WHAT! To Be Continued! What's Up With That? Your killing me! Have a Great Weekend!!! :o)


  30. I am off home now to kick-start my vaccuum cleaner... hopefully!

  31. You are awesome. Not only do you deliver on the laughs, but you also provide me with an education. Now I get why my vacuum cleaner doesn't work. I need to find the on/off switch! Thanks, Mr.S.

  32. Great stuff Mr. Stupid. Vacuums for Harry would have been much more interesting originally. You should have definitely outed Rowling as the creator.