Sunday, June 6, 2010

Math and Me

Math and I have never been very good friends. That made all my Math teachers hate me. The Integers were always mean and the signs made it all worse. I once said "Let's be good pals!" to my Math book. I got an F on my test the next day.

All my Math teachers either gave me stares or sad looks. There was Mrs. Yells at me in first grade. She gave me a F on my Math test once and wrote next to it "F" as in First from last!

There was Miss Big Help who sat next to me all the time. She was my bench mate in First grade. I turned to her for help in Tests. And she was always happy to help.
"Psst... What's 18+3?"
"12 billion..."
"That's 12 followed by 35 zeroes."
, she added.
"I knew that!"

I got another F on my test. Mrs. Yells at me looked really sad and handed out my paper. I asked Miss Big Help about it and she said, "Maybe, she didn't count the zeroes properly."
There was another test pretty soon and the Math paper laughed at me. I wasn't losing this time. But the question was pretty hard. It was division. The worst thing ever created in the horrible subject.

105 divided by 7 is _____

"Psst. Miss Big Help what's the answer to this question?"
"Ice cream in the Candy Van..."
"Add Chocolate at the beginning."
"But this looks like Math."
"I know. Its a tricky question."

I believed Miss Big Help and wrote that as my answer. Mrs. Yells at me wanted everyone to keep their papers and call out the answers. I then realized that everyone were given a different question. So, if Miss Big Help's answer was
Chocolate Ice cream in the Candy Van, mine would be something else.
I asked Mrs. Yells at me if I could go use the Restroom.
"Let's see your answer first..."
"No! I've got to go. I 'll be back soon. Please...?"
"Okay. Two minutes."

I was on a Public Phone. My Dad picked the Call. "Hello?"
"Dad its me..."
"Hey. You were supposed to be at School."
"I am at School, Dad."
"Are you alright? What's wrong? Why are you calling? What's the matter?"
"Don't panic Dad. Listen quick. I told the teacher I had to go to the restroom. What's
105 divided by 7?"
"What? You called me at work to cheat on your test?"
"The answer, dad. Quick..."
"That's not happening. At your age, I was determined to take all the Math questions. Division is pretty easy. Remember what we learned the other day..."
"I remember. And the answer is...?"
"Its a number. Bye."

That didn't help. Not even a little bit. I had guessed it was a number at the very beginning. I had to do something. Mrs. Yells at me had said two minutes. I entered the room and everyone were looking at me.
"Are you done or will you need another break?"
, she smiled.
"I'm done. BTW, Can I go drink some water?"
"No! Anyway, what's your answer?"
"Well... A number."
"Good. This was a Math test and everyone's got numbers. What exactly is your number?"
So, Miss Big Help had lied to me.
"Let's just say its a big number."
"Alright. Bring your paper."

I took my test paper to Mrs. Yells at me and was sure she would yell. She calmly read it out and said, "Very Good". My parents were called. Mr. Principal was shocked. My Mom kept looking at my test paper. My Dad though, felt a bit guilty for saying it was a number!

Image Source : Google Images


  1. Lol! I hated math and my math teacher as well. Never did get a good grade on those test papers.

  2. Another priceless piece, though I really feel for you. Math is just ugly. To top it off, you had lousy teachers, your dad was no help, and you didn't even have someone smart to cheat off of. That adds up to really bad luck. Good thing you're a great writer.

  3. i'm sooooo disliking Miss Big Help!! eurrgghhh!!! i used to let others copy my answers and my teacher knew that they copied from me so she put me in the corner with no students around me during text/exam-times. >.<

    ~ash's mum

  4. I feel your pain maths was never a strong subject. My brother was a genius at maths he started studying applied maths when he'd only jut ht the second year of Grammer School a full two years before most epeople even open a book on the subject. I just didn't understand the relevance of finding x.

  5. i cannot stand math and it is severely overrated. unless you are in a job that deals directly with math, its a waste of everyone's time and the coins it took to call your dad! ; )

  6. Ugghhh, my worst subject too. I don't get math and I always looked for the "smart looking" ones in class to sit next to them.

  7. In the UK we call it 'maths' for some reason. Although never good at it, I always wanted to be. I was put into a maths class taken by the gym teacher; I think we were seen as lost causes!
    This has been an hilarious post. Thank you!

  8. haha.this story reminded me of Calvin and Hobbes and how susie his classmate gives him wrong answers when he tries to cheat in his exam :)

    I too did not love is still my nemesis :)

  9. 18 + 3 = 12 billion.
    Wow, you really is a think big person with BIG numbers in mind.
    You are going to be a person anyway. Just study your family history. Maybe Shakespear is your forefather. Who knows?
    Good Luck

  10. Maths was not my thing either Mr Stupid!!! I did OK but only just OK.
    My strength was in English & the Arts! There are always calculators & computers ... basic daily maths is my limit... forget algorithms and remembering bloody formulas .. leave that to the mathematicians & scientists!! Very funny read!!

  11. Oh, oh...what a sad story but you wrote it on a funny way...:)

    Math is my waterloo too! I hate it, even just the thought of it! I get nosebleeds already. Way back in highschool I have to buy a bottle of soda daily for my classmate who would always solve my math problems for me. And she would willingly oblige.

    In college, gosh, my professor would have to ask me what grade will she give me after a removal exams...Gosh! Pity me, poor me!

    Now, I have to marry a math wizard so our kids will not inherit my stupidity, but gosh, one of them had? What am I gonna do? She has to look for a course with no difficult math subjects at all or even no math at all but there is no such course like that!

    Why do we need to study physics, geometry, calculus, trigonometry, etc. when even without them we can survive?

    U made me laugh here...grinning from ear to ear!

  12. Did you ever get back at Miss Big Help?

  13. mr. stupid, you are so funny! and i won't be surprised at all if you end up being a mathematics just works its self out that way sometimes ;) btw, i also hate math but i get by well enough without knowing everything i was being taught!

  14. I could be wrong about this, but I've always been convinced that math is the antichrist. You are right to distrust it, Mr. Stupid. :)

  15. I hated math as well- geometry 4 get it...your dad is priceless.

  16. lol. math is...yeah. almost as much fun as dealing with Ms. Big Helps...or teachers that think they have a sense of humor....

  17. i have always hated math. to this day numbers freak me out. i can't remember dates and phone numbers, etc.

  18. lol! This brought back horrible memories of a Mr. Yells I had in Grade 8. He still shows up in nightmares!

    Math was never a friend of mine either.

    This was so funny. What a great start to my Monday. :)

  19. LMAO, I couldn't multiply till I was in 5th grade relying on fingers and toes. We use to cheat in high school. If you knew the answer you'd put your fist in the center of the desk then point to a corner, since all tests were multiple choice. I would have never passed physics.

    Peace, Love and Chocolate

  20. Haha ha... sorry, but that was funny.

    Darn that Miss Big Help!

  21. Yeah, I understand exactly what you're saying. I was kicked out of PRE algebra for being so stupid with the signs and symbols and crazy shit.

  22. Math is stupid. No one needs it. I can use a calculator!

  23. Ahh Math! The only time I want it, is when I have to count my money. But after that, we're enemies again because I have to calculate how much I need to pay the bills!


  24. I share your pain as I, too, am mathematically-challenged. I got a passing grade in my Algebra 1 class by beating my teacher at backgammon. I still have no idea what an "integer" is. Yet, I continue to lead a productive life and contribute to society.

  25. Ha! I thought you wrote Mac and Me, which is a movie I saw loooong time ago about a disabled boy and an alien who got separated from his alien family.
    My point is...I don't know which is worse...Mac and Me, the movie, or Math and Me = F.

    Have a good day!

  26. Great story. It was hilarious. The answer's fifteen, right?

  27. Oh how I hate maths! I simply cannot abide, understand or grasp to it. I truly dread maths lessons at schools, number and powers and equations...they just confound me. As always, a most entertaining and anecdotal post, one that had me laughing as I could really relate to it :)

  28. For somebody whose life spins around numbers right now, I was in a very similar position as you. Thankfully my trust in Miss Big Help always paid off well!! :)

  29. i was bad at math in school too. i perfected the art of sitting across (diagonal and behind) a smart kid for most of my classes. in grade school, we corrected our own work ONCE. When my teacher called out grades i told her 100%. There was an erie silence. After that we NEVER corrected our own papers again - lol.

  30. I tolerated math because I had to (three courses of stats in graduate school) but did not enjoy it. Both my kids seem to like it though.

  31. Let's not even talk about Math. That's what calculator and computers are for. I HATE math too. We did not get along either. Thank God my kids took after their father. He graduated with honors in math. Whew! He helps my daughter with her math because he is the genius one. Take Care!!! :o)


  32. Your answer was correct. It is a number. She just didn't understand the answer from a different perspective. Like, what is the answer to 18 + 3.

    Why- the answer is A NUMBER, of course. Brilliant. It is a very Zen-like answer. May not be the most accepted one. But, it is correct.

    Question... What can you find in a tree? The answer: Wood. See?

  33. YogaSavy: Looks like they are all Evil... LOL

    Robyn: Miss Big Help was smart. But she was just mean and always lied. Math is scary. My Dad always tried getting me to learn Math. I never got it though.
    Glad you liked it!

    Ash's Mum: Well, I hated her too. But since she was the only one to copy off, I wrote everything she said. See, again the mean teachers.

    Maha: Very tricky. And scary at times.

    Gwei: Who cares if one finds x. Only if I had your Brother's brain then. Have a good day!

    Sammy: I could have spent those coins on something important like buying candies.

    RoseBelle: Always the best thing to do. Toodles!

    Bazza: What were they thinking. A math class taught by a gym teacher? Glad you liked it...:)

    Lazy Pineapple: Everyone hates math. Calvin did too. Lets just say, Miss Big Help was just like Susie.

    Ummie: Maybe he is! BTW, was he good at Math? Just asking...:)

    Jingle: That was cute, Jingle. Maybe, she should have. But I would have never sat alone in a class with Mrs. Yells at me.

    Katherine: Who needs those anyways. I hated the formulas. Let's leave it all to the weird Mathematicians. Smiles...:)

    Amity: Wow. They took bribe? Miss Big Help never did that. But none of her answers ever helped.
    Thanks for stopping by. Take Care!

    Diane: Never. I did throw a snowball once, draw a mustache on her face and drop soda on her head, accidentally!

    Sheri...: I guess that's another career I need to give a try. I do know to use a calculator and know the first ten tables. Is that enough? LOL

    Vicki: It does hate everyone. When was the last time you said, "Let's be pals?"

    Tony: I don't know. Though, it scares me a lot...:)

    Chrissy: "Its a number." - Not a very good answer. What's geometry? hehe

    Brian: I have had many more Mrs. Yells at me. They had a bad sense of humor.

    Ally: I can't remember phone numbers too. Maybe, its the Math phobia.

    TALON: Glad you liked it. The next time Mr. Yells shows up, imagine an A grade on your test paper.

    Tiffany: We did that in objective tests too. Though, our teacher got the signs quick...:)

    Serene: Boo at her with me! Thanks for stopping by and glad you liked it.

    MiMi: They seem like ancient scripts. I hated them too.

    Kristina: I am glad I know to use it too...:)

    Cee: LOL. Does it know your secret?

    Kelly: Neither do I. Wow. The Backgammon idea was a great one.

    Girl from Cherry Blossom St: Wow. Mac and Me. I've never heard of it. But sounds interesting. Thanks for stopping by...:)

    Sadako: I need my calculator for that... LOL

    Sam: I know. The equations and the powers are always evil. Glad you liked it. Smiles...:)

    Gautam: That's great. There are useful Miss Big Helps out there? 100% LOL. Correcting your own papers. Wow!

    Secret agent woman: They like Math? That's great. Only if I could be that way...:)

    Gina: That's nice. Both my parents graduated with honors. My Dad was in Math. But, his answer makes me wonder... hehe

    Kelly: Only if I can go back in time. I could have argued with her in your perspective. Hilarious answer.

  34. I just discovered your blog. Delightful and refreshing! Funny stuff and a funny avatar to boot! Keep up the good work!

  35. I have never needed anything learned in maths lessons outside of school... thanks to the good ol' calculator!!

  36. It's a that's hilarious.

    I have to admit that I didn't like math until it started making sense -- then it was more fun.

  37. Cute story! You are one talented writer, I tell you what...

  38. I felt the same way when I learned how to divide. Except I learned to just write any old number down, it didn't matter because at least there was an answer there.

  39. Too funny! I love how you called your dad to find out the answer.

  40. Math--SHUDDER!!! Why did you take Betty back to the nightmare, Mr. Stupid??

    Loved the way you called your dad. My kids know better....

  41. I was pretty good at math, but lost it after Algebra I. I was a teacher for many years, and I was amazed at the number of people who called themselves teachers who disliked kids, had no patience, and often didn't know their subject matter. There should be a better way to monitor for quality teaching.

  42. In elementary school, I used to cry while doing my math homework. To this day, I have an aversion to numbers and math teachers.

  43. Your dad cracks me up!!!! So does Miss Big Help!

  44. OMSNL!!! This is a VERY funny blog post!!! I like it alot!!! Math is one of my favorite subjects though!! My sis HATES math as well!! Ceck out my blog website sumtime!!! The URL to it is:
    THANX!!! Take care!!!

  45. I think you have a lot of people skunked. Well, maybe not your dad so much.

  46. Haha, awesome post.
    But wait... it wasn't a number?

  47. i used to feel sorry for who discover such horribly complicated thing i thought he was a sick,
    but now i got him dear he made the half world against him only for mental exercise so we can increase capacity gradually thanks for such lovely sharing,

  48. Was there a hotline from the principal's office to your parents?

  49. Wow, look at your comments dude. This could mean either two things: a lot of people don't like math too.

    Hmm... is there something missing? Sorry, I don't know how to count.

  50. Your posts are all so fun to read. Never get tired of reading. You must be a funny man. Perhaps should change your name from Stupid to Funny. Anyway, maths and I were best of friends.

  51. I've never been good at math. Thank goodness I only had to take one math class in college. It's part of the reason I picked my major.


    awards 4 u,

  53. Math is why I majored in English. Just reading about it here gives me a stomach ache.

    Our son refuses to ask me for help on his math homework. He goes to his big sister instead.

    Smart boy, that one!

  54. I bet in real life you are an accountant or you work for NASA. Math is your life now!!