Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Evil Miss Big Help

Miss Big Help was my bench mate in First grade. She was always mean to me. But the one bad thing I did turned her from mean to a scary person. She had red horns on her head - a sign of Evil. We had a quiz and I turned to her for help.

7+5 is ____

"Psst, Miss Big Help! What's the answer to this question?"

"Apple Pie..."

"But this is a Math problem. The answer should be in numbers right?"

"It's a trick question. The seven and five are the dimensions of the pie. And they rhyme too, seven and five makes Apple Pie!"

"Okay... Hey, how come you wrote something different?"

"I am going to get this question wrong. That way, Mrs. Yells at me won't think you copied."

"Wow. Thanks! But how about the other questions?"

"Just write what I say."

I wrote everything that she said. Couple of answers had Angry faces. One answer was Santa Claus. I was done with the test and I thanked her. The results were out the next day. I got a D on my test and next to it was a weird expression. I looked up at Mrs. Yells at me and she was wearing the same look.

The next week, we had another math quiz.

"Psst, Miss Big Help! What's the answer to question one?"

"Its Seven Bazillion..."

"Having a pleasant conversation?"
There was a voice from behind us. It was Mrs. Yells at me.
Miss Big Help couldn't get a word out "But... I..."

"Maybe, you should sit up front. That way, you won't distract him anymore."

I had to say something
"I tried to get her to be quite. She wanted to say the answer even though I never asked her. You know how girls are..."
Mrs. Yells at me stared and left. Miss Big Help was still stunned and her face was all red.

I was all alone now. So, I sent Miss Big Help a note -

Hey Miss Big Help,

How is the view way up there? HA HA

You look like a clown when you turn all red. Another HA HA

And how many zeroes should I add to
Seven Bazillion?

Miss Big Help turned and stared at me. She was really angry. She took out her pencil and started writing a note. I was sure it was addressed to me.

She was scribbling and didn't notice Mrs. Yells at me who was standing next to her.

"Writing notes in class?"
Miss Big Help turned all red again and there was an "EEP!" from her.

She was sent to the Principal's Chamber. I was lucky the teacher had blamed her for everything I did. But, I kept wondering what was happening inside.
She returned pretty quick and walked to Mrs. Yells at me. She whispered something and got back to her seat.
"Miss Big Help, what did they do to you? Did you get expelled? Are you banished from the neighborhood? What happened?"

Miss Big Help didn't say a thing. Then she turned and stared at me. "You will learn pretty soon. I just said one thing and Mr. Principal was convinced."

"What? What did you say?"

"Nothing..." Miss Big Help smiled at me. An Evil Smile.

Mrs. Yells at me called out my name. I walked to her. On the way, I turned to find Miss Big Help still wearing the Evil Smile.

The next part of the story was bad. Miss Big Help had snitched on me. I got in trouble for getting her in trouble. Mr. Principal and
Mrs. Yells at me gave me the stares. I was happy my parents weren't called. But then, they arrived. This time, I turned all red and screamed an "EEP!". All the four people stared at me. Miss Big Help stayed Evil and I continued cheating off her in quizzes...

Image Source : Google Images


  1. Heard the saying " what goes around comes around"

  2. Another funny piece from you. It really brighten up my day when I read your post. There was a girl in my class when I was in std 1 who would hold my hand when ever I copy too fast from the board, she fears that I will finish faster than her, gosh, what a bully.

  3. another day in paradise. :p
    you should stop seeking help from her. :)

    ~ash's mum

  4. You have brightened up my morning, thanks,


  5. Santa Claus for Math answer - It's going to be Christmas everyday :D)

  6. This was Karma....
    I am so curious to see all these people....you describe in your posts :)

  7. Have a great day Mr. Stupid! :-)

  8. Did she ever tell you how many zeros are in seven bazillion?

  9. You really don't learn from your mistakes!

  10. ouch...seems karma cught up with you...i did have to chuckle though at the memories...

  11. Here's the way these stories from school sometimes turn out...you will end up MARRYING Miss Big Help and you will both have a good laugh about this with your grandkids some day.

  12. Aww, that wasn't nice of Miss Big Help to snitch on you, but it sure makes for a good story!

  13. I dunno... it seems like Miss Big Help was no help at all. I just got this hunch... :P

  14. LOL u go dude! Can't blame u for still cheating off of her...

  15. For a moment I thought the world had gone topsy-turvy, but now that Miss Big Help is back to being evil, I feel much better :)

  16. I think that is called karma, my friend.

  17. love the ending,

    parents not called...

    keep shining!

  18. This is funny!!

    I'm very late in responding, but I just wanted to thank you for stopping by my blog over the weekend and leaving some love for the Empress and me.

  19. Too cute, I guess your right you don't learn from your mistakes, hence your name lol

  20. i'm cracking up you are hilarious. Did you pass?lol

  21. You shouldn't have done it. Who would help you pass the other tests????
    I think you must've been living close to the school, your parents had to go there a lot!

  22. You mean you learned absolutely nothing from that experience? I can't believe you!

  23. Hilarious...
    the drawing is great also

  24. Mischievous much aren't you. Haha. I wish I was like you as a kid, you know, with all these cute little shenanigans. You're a gift! Keep sharing yourself. =)

  25. I think your brother could have really helped if he were around for this one, no? You two against this girl would have been a battle for the ages.

  26. Well, all's fair in love and war. Also, I'm putting in another novella for you to see!

  27. That reminds me of an answer to an algebra test one my friends gave one time. The question was find 'x' in the equation. He circled it and wrote "Here it is" above the equation with an arrow pointing to the circle. It made the teacher laugh so hard she gave him credit for it.

    After that he and I made it a point to try to make each of our teachers and professors in college try to laugh when we didn't know an answer to a question. Surprisingly a little humor buys you enough points to pass. :)

  28. Mrs. Big Help turned out to be Mrs. Big something else that I am not going to write because this is a family blog.

    You had one strange childhood, Mr. Stupid. But I am sure glad you did - for my sake.

  29. LOL!!!!!! KHARMA!!!!! LOL!!!!! I love this story

  30. This was hilarious ---- I hope I got this right - however there was a book out a few years ago called : I learned everything I needed to know in kindergarten"?
    In your funny script was wisdom buried in the story... learned at an early age.

    Great story wrapped in humor.

  31. How many zeros are in seven bazillion? Is it more than eleventy billion?

    I wonder what Evil Miss Big Help is doing today.

  32. Ha oh that was cute. I am now on a quest to find out how many zeros are in a bazillion.

  33. I still don't understand how apple pie could possibly have been the wrong answer. I mean the logic's infallible!

  34. Instant karma got you - knocked you right on the head.

  35. I'm sorry that you got in trouble and Miss big help stayed evil. You are so cute and silly, though.

  36. Have you ever wondered what happened to Miss Big Help?