Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Trip to the Circus

I have always loved the Circus. There was a time when I had been to one. Even though, all that happened was a bit awkward, I enjoyed the whole trip.

At first there were the Jumping Monkeys. Their act has a name called the Trapeze. Everything was going fine until one Monkey fell.
There was a safety net to save him.
Hooray!

Next we had Mr. Clown take the stage. He was funny until he started Juggling.
Since I am bad at Juggling, my influence was a bad thing.
He decided to juggle three balls and Unicycle at the same time.
Big Mistake! He fell. There were some Boos. A guy behind me said, "Dude, I can Unicycle better. Give me your Job!"
Another Hooray!


After a few minutes, another guy arrived. He claimed to be a Magician. First, a Bird flew out of his Kerchief. It was followed by a Golf Ball. It didn't fly. Just fell down!

He now wanted to show a Card trick. The trick required a volunteer. I wasn't looking. Nor was I lifting my hand.
"You there..."
"Me?"
"Come on. Help me with this trick."
"No, that's Okay!"
"Don't be shy. You're going to love it."

I did get a feeling that choosing me was a big mistake. In the next few minutes he was about to be showered by many Boos!

"Here's a Deck of Cards. Shuffle it."

I shuffled the cards and gave Mr. Magician the deck.
"Now pick a card. I am not looking. Show it to everyone. Tell me when you are ready."

It was a 3 of spades.
"Ready."
"The Card, its at the tip of my tongue. Anytime now..."

Just tell the Card.
"Your card is the Queen of clubs."
"No..."
"Okay then... the 2 of diamonds?"
"No..."

I thought, the whole thing was a part of the act.
Some guy from the audience said, "Just get over with it. Tell the card. I am in a hurry!"
"Alright then, the 4 of clubs.."
"No..."
"Yes it is. It is one of these three cards."

"No it isn't."

The Boos had already begun. I knew this would turn bad. The man looked really angry. Another second and a punch would have landed on my face.
Everyone started leaving. So did I. I could still hear the guy barking at my back, "Let's do it again. Come back!"

No Hooray this time!


The trip had a tragic end. I enjoyed it though...

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Earth Hour and the Ish!

Earth Hour 2009 was worse. To be more specific, it was a Ting Tong day, and the 20 minutes I spent with those Buffoons was agonizing and painful!

I called a friend over the phone. "Hey, you're coming today?"
"Sorry, I am actually camping with my Uncle."
"When are you leaving?"
"I am already there!"

I could see him just outside my house. "You guys are camping on the street?"
Now we were looking at each other. I went to the street. He said, "Look. If there's an Earth Hour, its gonna be at least a mile away from those guys."

The guys he was talking about were my Brother's friends. Captain Monkey, Mister Boo and Weird Beard. They had been kicked out of planet "Weirdo". Which only means they were weirder than the Weird guys in it.

Anyways, the guys dropped in at 7:30 p.m. "Why aren't the lights out?", said Weird Beard.
"That's because, Earth Hour begins at 8:30 p.m."

They left and were back at 8:20 p.m. So, we decided to turn off all the lights. My parents were at my Neighbor's place. Every time, I go there, he gives me scary looks. So, I decided, this place was safer.

Since the conversation took place in the dark, I couldn't figure who was talking what. I guess this was what happened!
"Here's a question guys. What is ish?"
"I guess its Sorta."
"No, it isn't. Its actually Somewhat"
"You mean ish or ish?"
"I meant ish..."
"I know what you meant. Is it the ish or ish?"
I tried to get things back on track. I really did. "Okay guys. What are we talking. Something other than ish would be good."
"He just asked us a question. I guess ish is gross or just ewwww!"
"What? You mean my sister said I was 21 gross years when she said Happy 21-ish Birthday?"
(This was definitely Mister Boo. He was gross anyway. So his sister was right.)
"Looks like she did mean gross!"
"I thought ish was sorta."
"Didn't you just say that before."
"How about Sweetish?"
"You say sweetish when something isn't sweet."
"Not really sweet, but sort of sweet. That's a good one."
"I didn't say sweetish. I said Swedish."
"What?"
"I mean from Sweden. Swedish!"
"That's a word. Not an ish word."
"What I said isn't a word?"
"No!"
"I am leaving. Thanks for inviting me."
(This was again Mister Boo)
Silence for a few seconds.
"Yeah. Anyways. Maybe we should talk about something else", said my brother.
"You mean, elseish?"
(That didn't make even a tiny bit of sense)
Silence for a few more seconds.

I decided to leave the Ish environment. Now my Brother was alone with two aliens.
Once out, I met my friends and we did some campaigning by banging at houses with lights ON. One of my friend was chased by a dog but he survived the chase and had to loose only a shoe! Another was chased by an angry guy who was disturbed while watching Oprah...

I decided to get to my Neighbor's place. Since my parents were around, it was a safe place to be at. I still got the scary looks...

Thursday, March 25, 2010

The Clumsy Virus!

The guys in the Picture are Viruses. That's alright. Don't worry!
Though, these guys are Clumsy Viruses. Okay, its time you Panic. Shout and even tell this to your Neighbor. Get back home dial any number and tell whoever picks the phone about these guys.

I was and actually am infected. I would like to call it "Makes you drop and break and destroy and shred things to pieces Disease"

I first saw the symptoms when I was in my Third grade. That was when my Science teacher had brought a Model Periscope.
"Kids, this is a Periscope. Its used in Submarines to see above the surface of water."

Since, I was in the first bench, I got to see it first. The thing slipped, fell and lets say, changed shape.
"Kids, this was a Periscope. Now its broken and not very useful!"


The disease was in its next stage. When Fifth Grade arrived, I was pretty good at breaking things. One of them was my Television.
Don't throw a Ball to anybody standing in front of a TV -
The chances of them missing a catch is really high!
I threw a Basketball to my Brother. He ducked. Why did he do that?
Anyways, the ball charged towards the TV. Only if I had the ability to stop time. I tried. It didn't work!
The ball hit the screen and we had a Big crack. The TV didn't work. I wonder why?

The Era of Camera damage had just begun. First, it was my Dad's Camera that slipped out of my hands from a 30-storey Building. Only if I could fly. I didn't want to try by jumping down though!
Next, my Brother's Camera was accidentally washed with my clothes.

Breakage was next. I broke a Window when I threw a stone at it. This was actually an Experiment my young mind did to test the durability of the glass. I failed!

Everything else I have broken is a TV Remote, a Mobile Phone, a Microwave Oven, the Washing Machine (Actually, this was again an experiment. I plucked all the buttons to see if the machine would work without them. It didn't!) and lots more...

My Brother is getting a New Laptop tomorrow. I wonder why he needs two.
I have a "Keep 500 meters away" restriction. This means, I need to stay half a kilometer away. Since that's going to be outside my House, new laptop here I come...

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

The Juggling Adventure!

Juggling to me is now an alien thing to do. But it was not a few years back.

I had been to my Neighbor's house. It was his daughter's Birthday. Maybe, the accident that took place here was the reason for him hating me so much.

My parents had come too. And so did my Brother. I had taken a gift along with me. It was a Juggling manual, some tricks and four Juggling balls. My Parents and my Brother had bought other decent gifts.

Anyway, the Party went on and by the end, the Birthday girl went crazy and started ripping all the gifts. Actually, she was excited and wanted to know who gave her what.
There were dolls, a Science kit (That was my Brother's gift) and all other things that I can't remember.

Then came my Gift. "Juggling Balls?", she said. This was either a "Yay" expression or a "Boo" one.
"Don't worry. They are fun and easy to learn!"
"You know to Juggle?"
, she asked.
"Yup. I can even do four balls."
"Wow. Can you Juggle now?"
"Well, I can..."

The girl had already disappeared.

Within minutes came my neighbor, "So, you can Juggle?"
I couldn't resist the attention, so I boasted, "I sure can. In fact, I can even juggle five balls standing on one leg!"
"Then we should have a performance. Can you stage a show right now?"
"Okay!"


I was the center of attraction. Everyone were seated. I could see my Parents cheering. My brother though, was staring at me. Maybe he was remembering the accident that had taken place on the second day of my Juggling career.

The Birthday girl was at the front and was really excited. She was literally bouncing, "Juggle", "Do it!", "Four Balls".
I started with 2 balls. There were cheers and clapping. Next, I juggled three balls while standing on one leg. And then, I juggled two balls on one hand while I looked at the audience. Now was the time for the grand finish. "Okay guys. Time for the grand finish!"

I flipped the fourth ball over my head. And now is the time to Pause this story and go back to when I tried it the first time.
The fourth ball is supposed to join the other three during the juggle. But when I showed it to my brother once, the fourth ball went a bit higher and landed on his face. Yeah, his face!


Resuming
the Grand finish -
The fourth ball left, and landed again. On the girl's face. The act distracted my hands and they let go of the other three balls. With two of them falling on her leg and one falling on a doll, "Bwaaaaaahhh..."

The face and the leg were strong. They didn't break. Though, the doll broke. I could see my parents in a shock. My brother was still staring.
I received many filthy looks. The girl was not hurt. She had just experienced the horror of a Juggling ball falling on her face! As for the doll, too bad it couldn't stand the impact...

Sunday, March 21, 2010

The Flash Flood

I should have listened to Mr. Plumber a bit more carefully. "Don't touch that until I come back!"
I was alone at home with my Dog. We were watching TV. Maybe, that was the reason for the poor hearing.

This happened a year back. A kitchen tap was leaking and my Mom had called in this guy to fix it. He didn't have some tool, so he had to get it from his store.

I stole some food from the Refrigerator. Since, my dog tells on me, I gave him some too. Now, if I was caught, I could tell on Tyson.
Anyways, we got back to the living room and did what we always do the best. Waste time in front of the TV.

I finished everything on my Plate. So did Tyson. We got back to the kitchen. Oh yeah! We had to wash it to be out of trouble. Nobody reminded me not to open the tap. So, I did it. The tap came off and we started having more water than necessary.

Tyson panicked. He left me in the kitchen and ran for his Doggy life. I panicked too. I couldn't run. Nobody was gonna yell at him for letting the water that way.
I managed to get down and turn the flow off. It stopped.

But that was when Mr. Plumber dropped in. My Kitchen floor had experienced a Flood. I was all wet.
"Now, what did I say about the Tap?"
"Don't open It?"
"Yeah. I guess I did say that!"
"Oh, Sorry. I thought, you were talking to Tyson."
"Now, who is Tyson."
"My Dog...!"

Maybe, Mr. Plumber wasn't very convinced with that answer. My kitchen was still wet. There was enough water to get over my feet.

Tyson was nowhere to be found. So the cleaning was my responsibility. Mr. Plumber fixed the tap.
"This should stop the leaking."
"Great! Thanks."
"Now, are you gonna pay me or will it be Tyson?"
"Nah, he's not that good signing checks. He always gets over the line."
I gave Mr. Plumber a check my Mom had previously signed. The guy wasn't very happy. Maybe he was feeling guilty to have started a stupid conversation.

I had to get to the cleaning quick. There was still a lot of water and its level never seemed to reduce. I had an alternative of putting my brother's clothes on the floor. That would have soaked all the water but got me into a lot of trouble.

After almost three hours, I was done with it. That was when Tyson decided to enter. We had a chase around the house with me yelling at him for not helping.
Oh yeah! We had forgotten what we did best - Television.

Here's some advice - "Always listen to your Plumber and never trust your Dog with cleaning chores!"

Thursday, March 18, 2010

The Surprise!

Hooray! I am Blogging again. The staring didn't work after all. He was enough uncomfortable to say, "Just get a new Hard disk. This won't work!"
I had to do all the paying. Anyways, my Computer is up and running. Another issue and I need to get back to the sneaking part!

I wasn't going to wake up when some ghostly figure was calling out my name. At first there were whispers. Then Yells. This wasn't a Robber. Nobody would want to wake me up and then steal stuff from my Room.

A closer look revealed it was my brother. I was never waking up now. The next moment, there is a bottle full of water running down my face.
I had to get up.
"What do you want?"
"Surprise!"
"Surprise back to you! Good night."
"Let's go."
, he said.
"Let's go where? Are you Sleep walking or Sleep talking?"
"Okay. I wouldn't be pouring a bottle of water then. To the backyard!."
I was dragged across the hallway to the Backyard.

There were Balloons everywhere. A few guests were called too -
A thing standing next to the door.
My neighbor, who looked half asleep.
Another Neighbor who was maybe dragged from his bed.
A girl who looked like a ghost. She didn't have a face. They were covered by her hair.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"
, they said.
"Thank you all. Thanks for coming. Good night!"
"Hey, I even got you a Birthday cake. Cut it!", he said
"Do Mom and Dad know about this?"
"Nah. Its still a Surprise."
"Just cut the cake dude."
, said a guy. Maybe he was here only for the cake.

The Birthday song began. I had to help my neighbor with a few words. He seemed to forget them.
"Maybe, I should call Mom and Dad now!"

"That would be great."

He left. I was now alone in the backyard with Zombies and a ghost. My neighbor who was holding on to the fence. He fell over the other side and ran home. I wonder why?

My Brother was back really quick. "HAHA! Got you. All this was a prank."
"Wow. Did Dad tell my Birthday was on 11th?"
"No! I just pranked you."

All the Zombie guests were now awake. Some were really angry. They all left. One guy, didn't mind waiting till the end.
"Dude, the party is over!"
, my brother said.
"Oh. Can I take some more Cake?"
"Take all of it! And please don't come by again."


That didn't seem to be a prank. My brother forgot my Birthday by a week. My Dad convinced him that today wasn't 11th March.
I am glad there was a party. I enjoyed looking at the Zombie guests. I had once wished him a "Happy Birthday" after a month.

Just In
- My Brother just ran across the Hallway. "Oh My God. Dad, my Camera is broken!". I better get to the scene quick and make a "I never did it" face!

Monday, March 15, 2010

Hard Disk Down!

Okay. Now this has gone way too far! Another Computer issue stopping me from wasting my time, staring at my Monitor and Blogging. My computer said this yesterday - "Primary Hard disk fail."

It even burped once it was done saying. I am really upset this time. Maybe, the Computer guy noticed it when I was at his store. My stare makes people uncomfortable. He had to hide his face behind the curtains next to him.
"Sir, I am still staring. You might want to get out of that cloth!"

So, he finally agreed to check on the Hard disk. After looking at the box for some time. He looked up. I was still staring. Maybe, it made him even more uncomfortable. The guy realized staring at the Hard disk was a better thing to do.


"Your Hard disk is corrupt. I need a day to check on it"

"Great. Thanks!"

I left the store still staring at the guy.


I am writing this post on a
"No Trespassing" zone. The slogan also includes, "No Brother Allowed - EVER!"
Its my Brother's room. I sneaked into it, hacked his laptop and am using his Internet now. This time his password was,
"!@#$%^&*("
Now, that's not very clever. Its 123456789 in Shift!


I even left him a "I was here" notepad file. I enter it every time I sneak into his room and figure out his Password.


Anyways, I should be getting my Hard disk in a day. Otherwise, the deadly staring should work...

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Hating the Stage!

I have hated the stage ever since I was a small kid. Though, when I was much more smaller, say in my fifth grade, I never hated the microphone that much.

My Teacher had me on the stage once a week. It would be an Essay on a lesson or some boring current affair thingy. Anyways, it always ended with applause.

There was once this Entertainment hour. It marked Stage fright in me forever.
Everyone were supposed to volunteer. So did I. I didn't have any scripts to read this time. But there was something, I could tell,

The Quickfire Round


What would happen if Batman and Robin were rolled by a steam roller?
Flatman and Ribbon

What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?
Stinkerbell

What did the Teddy Bear say when he was offered extra cake?
No thanks, I am stuffed!


These were enough to get me some awful faces. There were a few Boos. My teacher seemed to have enjoyed it. Though, her smile looked like it wasn't necessary in that situation.
"Wow, that was amazing. Why don't you share a story with us?"
"I am really not that good with stories."
"Tell us a Moral story. Something you might remember."

I couldn't remember a thing. So, I decided to make one up. I had to get creative. But creative was a dangerous feature in me. Out came this,

The Crow, the Rabbit, the Turtle and the Fox


It was a Sunny morning in a forest. A Crow was sitting on a tree. He was day dreaming. He was dreaming about sitting and doing nothing when a rabbit interrupted him. The crow assumed it to be a part of his dream. But there was a voice coming from below.
"Hello Crow!"
"Hiya Rabbit"
"Can I sit like you and do just about nothing?"
"Sure. Let's day dream together."

So, the two guys started dreaming about doing nothing.

There was another voice. It was a turtle.
"Hi Crow and Rabbit"
"Hello!"
said the animals.
"Can I join you guys and do nothing?"
"Sure"
, said the crow.
"Maybe, the three of us can day dream together!"

Hence, the three animals dreamed of doing nothing.

They were interrupted again. This time, it was a fox. The fox jumped on the rabbit and ate him. As for the turtle, he ducked in his shell and continued day dreaming.

Moral of the story
- To dream about sitting and doing nothing, you need to be either very high or be a turtle!


The reactions that came once I was done were either of Surprise or Disbelief. All my classmates looked like the Aliens from Mars Attacks. My teacher was in a shock. She had her mouth opened and was staring at her desk. There were no more Boos. Nor did anybody come to speak. They had enjoyed a fantastic story.

On the way back to my desk, everyone started Booing. There was this guy who said, "Now this is why I hate school!"
Was that a compliment?

Monday, March 8, 2010

The Disaster Story

HOORAY! Finally, I have my computer with me. Its been three weeks of "No Computer at Home".
Though, the three weeks hold a Fragile story. So here you go. Get some Popcorn. You might need some!


Going back to the 25th of February, the computer guy agreed to fix the Motherboard. He took 3 days to realize what was wrong and another day to fix it.


My computer was now working perfectly. But then, I decide to take out the Motherboard and snap a picture for a Blog post.

I don't have a camera. I broke two of them in separate incidents. That's a different story. There is always some more Popcorn for that.
Anyways, cameras never stick with me. So, I didn't have one. Alternative?

Get my brother's Camera. I was successful at sneaking into his room and getting it. I was trying to take a shot from the top. Bad luck struck. The camera falls and then there's a crack.

Oh My God! I was sure, I had broken the camera. A quick look revealed a large crack on the LCD screen. All, I could do was run to his room and put it back.


I added the Motherboard back, but this time it didn't work. Something was wrong. I rushed to the Computer guy again and he wanted a day's time to check on it.

After a day he calls me,
"A chip inside is broken. Did you drop it?"
"Well, I dropped something on it. Just fix it!"

So, a day's time and some more money brings my Motherboard home.


Again, there was something wrong. My Computer wouldn't turn ON.
I wasn't giving up. So I called the guy, "Hi, guess what, my computer is still not working!"
I read out all the lines displayed on my screen. Some words were those gone missing in my dictionary.

"Great, now your Hard disk is corrupt!"

"Wonderful, I will bring it over right away!"


So, this time, I decided to take my CPU to the guy. A 15 minute check and he declared,
"It's corrupt. I need to check on it. So give me another day!"
Finally, it arrived today and here, I am blogging!


All this while, my Dad forgot his laptop everyday at work.
My brother wouldn't let me get close to his laptop and had changed his Password. I managed to hack into it. It was again 1 to 9 in Caps lock.
I even managed to speak to my neighbor about the computer issue.

"Hi, I was thinking if I can use your Computer?"
All, I received as a reply was some staring. I had to get back home. He was still staring. All I have done is troubled him more times than I can remember. Call him names while I am in the shower and paint his wall with Watercolors. The design was perfect. Too bad, he couldn't realize it.

THE END
My genius brother is yet to realize who broke his Camera. Well, he still has to find the crack on his Camera!
Hope you had enough Popcorn for the entire story. Just in case, there's always a neighbor to ask!