Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Show And Tell : The Front Yardosaurus

To read Show And Tell : The Beginning, click here.

Show and Tell got worse every time. Mrs Yells at me had sent me to the first bench for some reason.


"Alright, time for Show and Tell. Who would like to go first?"
Mrs. Yells at me sounded excited.
I lifted my hand. She ignored it and searched for others. Finally, she called out "Yes, Miss Big Help. You can give..."

"Wait a minute, I was lifting too."
I interrupted.
"I'm sorry. I never noticed your hand."

"In that case, pick again."

Miss Big Help was angry. She gave me a scary look and returned to her seat.


"Who would like to go first?"
Mrs. Yells at me sounded sad.

I lifted my hand again. Nobody volunteered this time. "Anyone at all, besides the guy in the first bench?"

"Hey!"
I protested.

"Okay. Just make it quick this time. No hoax photographs and no Alien talk."

"Alright."


I had a sheet in one hand and proof in the other. I began, hoping this would turn out in a good way.

"Today, for Show and Tell, I have brought ten amazing and rare fossilized bone pieces of a dinosaur. It took me..."

"Can I have a look at the fossilized bone pieces?"
Mrs. Yells at me sounded curious.

"Sure. Everyone can have a look. You'll have to wait though. Anyway, it took me three hours of digging to find them buried in my front yard. I immediately recognized them as pieces from the Jawbone, Tailbone and Feet."

"Very Good. Can you show me the bone pieces now?"

"Here."
I handed them out.

She looked at the bone pieces for a second and then stared at me "This is just ordinary Driveway Gravel."
"They look like ordinary Driveway Gravel to the untutored ignorant eyes. But they aren't. Anyway, here's more proof. In this paper, I have re-created the Front Yardosaurus as it would have appeared
160 million years ago. This drawing here shows how big it was compared to the other dinosaurs." I showed the paper to everyone. Mrs. Yells at me stared at it through her glasses.
"Front Yardosaurus?"
Miss Big Help yelled. "I have never heard of any such dinosaur."
"That's because nobody knew it existed. Since, I found his remains in my Front Yard, that's the name I gave him. I will be publishing my full findings into a book. The book will bring me fame and fortune..."
"Can I please give my Show and Tell now?"
Miss Big Help asked.
Mrs. Yells at me was still looking at my drawing. She was in a shock and didn't say a thing.
"That's a NO! Now, let me get back to my Show and Tell."
I said. Miss Big Help gave me the scary look again.
"The book will bring me fame and fortune and let me build another Jurassic Park..."
"You mean a park with dinosaurs like in the movie?"
Bobo sounded excited.
"Exactly. It will be built in this very place by demolishing this lousy school. That way, they won't be able to torture any more young minds. Now, when that happens, everyone who were mean to me or yelled at me can be darn sure that they will have a miserable life. I will crush your tiny dreams like bugs and then throw you all in the Garbage Can. The ones left will be forced to work in the Jurassic Park for the rest of their lives. Your work at the park will mostly include bathing the dinosaurs and serving them food."
"Ahem. Thank you for that Show and Tell..."
Mrs. Yells at me said.
I continued "Though, there is an alternative! You can send me chocolates and be my pal. That way, you'll stay out of the Jurassic Park and get to take a pet dinosaur home."
I was done with my Show and Tell. Everyone were shocked. Mrs. Yells at me had a weird expression.

The next moment, I was in a room. A bald guy was staring at me. It was Mr. Principal and I was at his Chamber. Next to me was my Mom and on the other side was Mrs. Yells at me. On the desk were both the Driveway gravel and the Drawing. I was asked to repeat my Show and Tell. Once I was done, my mom and Mr. Principal were stunned. It took them a while to recover. My Mom giggled repeating "Front Yardosaurus". Though, Mr. Principal and Mrs. Yells at me continued staring...

Image Source : Google Images

I was interviewed by Tess, here. Drop by her blog sometime.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Mission Get rid of Hiccups

My Brother had Hiccups yesterday. He kept speaking but nothing made any sense. But it was fun to watch. Too bad it went away with a glass of water.

There was this one time when we were kids. My Parents had been to a wedding and left us at Mr. Neighbor's home for babysitting. Mrs. Neighbor had joined my parents. I was more than happy to be at his place. Though, he wasn't.

Staying at the living room was scary. We had Mr. Neighbor looking at us as though we were monsters from under his bed. He kept staring for a long time. All of a sudden, he fell asleep. So, we decided to go explore his house. We were soon in his backyard and running around when there were a few Hiccups.

My Brother looked at me surprised. He couldn't get a word out. "(hic) I have (hic) Have (hic) I (hic) I have the (hic) the (hic) I (hic)."
"What's wrong with you?"
"The (hic) have the (hic) the (hic)."
"What is it?"

He panicked and shook his hands. Maybe, he was trying the Sign Language. It didn't work. "The (hic) I have (hic) the (hic)."
"What do you have? A Comic book? A Candy? Mr. Neighbor's hat?"

There was again the shaking of hands. Though, this time it was a bit faster. "(hic) I have (hic) the (hic) the (hic, hic)."

The Hiccups were turning out to be good entertainment. I asked a few more questions and after a few hundred hiccups "I have the (hic) Hiccups. Get rid (hic) of them...(hic)"
"What can I do?"
"I (hic) don't know. Do (hic) something."
"What can I do?"
"You said (hic) that already (hic)."
"Alright, let me think..."
After five minutes of thinking and a few more hiccups, I said "I don't know..."
"What? (hic) I have (hic). Okay. Scare me."

I stared at him without blinking.
"What (hic) are you doing?"
"Scaring you. I am Mr. Neighbor..."
"I mean, (hic) Surprise me!"
"Alright. But promise you won't yell."
"Well... (hic) Okay."

"I drew a bunny in your book!"
"What? (hic) Why? Which one?"
"I don't know. Look through all the books you have. You should find it."
"You're going (hic) to be in a lot of trouble (hic). Alright, (hic) forget the Book. Try something
(hic) else..."
"I ate the Chocolate Bar from your Drawer."
"What? (hic) That was (hic) the last bar..."
"You yelled at me both the times. I'm going."
"Okay. (hic) Sorry. Let's go ask Mr. (hic) Neighbor about the Hiccups."


We walked towards the Living Room. "These (hic) Hiccups are driving me (hic) crazy."
"Hey, I've read about a cure."
"What (hic)?"
"Hold your breath. It should work."

Thirty seconds in and his face had turned all red. His eyes almost popped out. Though, the Hiccups decided to stay. "I guess we should go ask Mr. Neighbor."

We were again walking towards the Living Room. My Brother was gasping.
"Wait a minute. Let's go to the Kitchen. Eating Sugar should do the trick."
He ate a spoonful. "I still (hic) have them..."
"Have another. I am sure this will work."
"(hic) I guess it doesn't."

"Wait a minute. Maybe, the person next to you should have some too."


Both of us were now eating spoonfuls. As we were crunching on the sugar, there was a Man standing next to us. On a closer look, I realized it was Mr. Neighbor. He looked surprised. Maybe, he was shocked to find two kids emptying his sugar supplies. I explained everything to him. He gave me a stare. My Brother gave it a try with many "Hics". He gave me a bigger stare.
Finally, he was given a glass of water. The Hiccups were gone. We were back in the Living Room with Mr. Neighbor. This time, he managed to stay awake...


Image Source :
Google Images

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Harry Potato and the Worthless stone - V

To read Part - IV, click here.

The next day, Harry, Pong and the other Corridors hurried down the front steps into the grounds for their first flying lesson. All the Superthins had arrived and so had Vacuum Cleaners all lying neatly on the ground. A weird woman arrived. She had a bump on her head and white short hair.

"Good Afternoon class. Welcome to your first flying lesson. I am Madam Ouch."
"Ouch? How do you spell that?"
Pong sounded curious.
"O-U-C-H. Does that matter?"
"Just asking. What's up with the bump on your head?"
"Flying accident..."
"And the short hair?"
"The same. My hair got stuck in the Vacuum Cleaner."
"Whoa. And you survived that flight?"
Harry asked.
"Yup. Anyway, let's get back to the lesson. Everyone step up to the left side of your Vacuum Cleaner."
"Vacuum Cleaners? Wizards fly on broomsticks right?"
"No they don't."
She shouted. "We use broomsticks to clean the school. Back to the lesson. Stick your right hand out and say Start!"
"START!"
everyone shouted. After a few hundred tries, the Vacuum Cleaners never seemed to move.
"Oops. I forgot the important part. You need to turn on the switch and then to make it look all magical, say Start!"
"Are you sure she's a flying instructor?"
Harry whispered.
"I don't think so."
Hermione sounded confident.

Harry's Vacuum Cleaner started at once. His was the only few that worked. Hermione's wouldn't start. Pong took really long to find the switch. Neville Shortbottom had an old Vacuum Cleaner. A screw fell from its side as he was shouting "START".

"Good. Now, I want all of you to mount the Vacuum Cleaners. Now, when I blow my whistle... where's my whistle..."
Madam Ouch searched all her pockets. "Forget the whistle. I'll just count to three."
Neville Shortbottom seemed a bit nervous. He showed the screw to Madam Ouch. She snatched it from his hand and placed it inside the socket. It fell out again. This time, she kicked it a few times to hold it in place.

"I have read that the Vacuum Cleaners can hear people." Hermione said.

"Alright. Get ready - three - two"

Neville's Vacuum Cleaner turned on by itself. It was angry with Madam Ouch and flew behind her. Neville screamed as the cleaner kept rising. Madam Ouch ran and so did all the kids. Finally, the other screws gave away and Neville fell from well over twenty feet on the ground and there was a crack.


Everyone went to Neville. Madam Ouch was bending over him. "A Broken Wrist" she murmured.

"None of you will start the Vacuum Cleaners. You leave them where they are or you'll be out of Togwarts even before you can say Sandwich."

"What's Sandwich?"
a kid asked from behind.

"Its a game played by two teams of seven players riding flying vacuum cleaners, using four balls and six elevated ring-shaped goals. The...
"

"I think that would be enough of explanation."
Draco Bellboy interrupted Hermione. "Look at what Neville dropped." He picked up the Forgetbrall from the ground.

"Give it here, Bellboy."
Harry yelled.

"You'll have to get it then."
Draco started his Vacuum Cleaner and flew.


Harry said "START". But his Vacuum Cleaner wouldn't move. "You better start!" he yelled.

"Remember, they can hear you. Be kind..."
Hermione whispered.

"Start you dirt eater. How's that?"
It wouldn't move an inch. "C'mon. I am the hero and I need to get that thing back. Heroes always do the good things. Okay Pleeeeeeaaaaase?" Harry told until he was out of breath. The Vacuum Cleaner started.

Both Bellboy and Harry were now flying on their Vacuum Cleaners.

"Give it to me, Bellboy."
Harry said.

"No."

"Please?"

"Say that 189271 times."

Harry began. The kids waiting down had their dinner and then fell asleep. Bellboy was wide awake and kept adding up the "Please" on his calculator.

The next day was there and Harry was still saying Please. After sometime, "I'm done." Harry said quietly, gasping for air.

"Catch it if you can!"
Bellboy shouted and threw the glass ball in the air. It was now charging towards the ground.
Harry pointed his Vacuum Cleaner towards the Glass Ball. He gained speed and managed to get to it. He then made a landing and ran expecting everyone to cheer for him. Nobody came. Pong took the Forgetbrall from Harry's hand and left.

"HARRY POTATO"
There was a voice from behind. It was Professor McDonald. She seemed furious. "Follow me..."   (to be continued)

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Back from Mars

Finally, I am back. The trip was great. Not so good for my aunt though. Only if I had read all your "Don't eat the chocolate" comments before.

I peeked into the box at my home. The ten sugary surprises wrapped in golden foil looked back at me. As I was looking, there were two others. Bad guy and Good guy from inside my head. Their conversation with me was a bit like this-


"Look at all those sugary surprises. Go ahead. Eat one."
Bad Guy spoke.

"Don't do it. Remember. They are for your Aunt to reduce her stares."
Good Guy protested

"The chocolates will protect you from all the stares."

"Don't do it."

"Alright. Eat just one. See if it works.
"

"Okay. Just one."
Good Guy agreed.

I picked a chocolate and ate it. Bad Guy and Good Guy were still having a talk. Good Guy kept suggesting, "Just one."
By the end, all I had were wrappers. No chocolates. Not even one. Bad Guy and Good Guy had disappeared and my Mom was honking the car.

I took the empty box, carried it all the way and then threw it in a Garbage Can near my Aunt's house. I arrived there in the evening.
She opened the door and was wearing a big smile. That was surprising. We spoke for sometime. I didn't have to use my double eye patch all the while.

Then, the phone rang. It was my Mom doing the "Did he arrive" call. They spoke for a while and then,

"Hope you like the chocolates..."
"What chocolates?"
"Well... The ones my son brought."
"Oh. I never saw them. Why don't you ask him?"

I spoke to my Mom and told her about how a Burglar stole the Chocolate Box and gave it to his friend. That wasn't convincing.


Anyway, I was at Mars and everything around was weird.
"You should read some of these books."
She pointed to a large bookshelf with many books.
"Okay."
I picked a book and got seated. Now, books make me think. Thinking makes me sleep. I fell asleep. After a few minutes, there was a thing standing next to me and coughing. Zombie? Scary Woman from a Movie? Ghost? I looked closely. The thing was my aunt.


Next day was there soon. We were outside in her garden. She spoke a lot about flowers and gardening. This time, I wasn't thinking.
"I love gardening."
She said.
"I like it too..."
I have had bad experiences with Gardening. The last time I helped my Mom with a plant, resulted in the leaves going missing. All that was left was a stick.
"Wow. That's nice. Can you trim this shrub for me? This is one of my favorite plants. I love its fragrance."
She pointed at a shrub with beautiful flowers on it. I was going to say a NO!
"I'll be glad to."
I didn't mean it. The words just blurted out. She thanked me and left.
I was now alone standing in her garden with a shrub.

I picked the garden shears and started. After a lot of work, there was a finished product. It was now a weird looking plant.
"Oh my god! What's that?"
My Aunt screamed.

"Well, that's you shrub now looking even more
beautiful."
I was late in getting the eye patch. I got many stares and looks.

I finally returned to Earth today. My Mom greeted me with a Hello and then a stare.
"So, the chocolates were taken away by a burglar. How about the trimming? Did he drop by her garden and do it for you?"
"Not exactly. He sent his friend this time!"
Again, not very convincing.
My Mom mailed her the chocolates. This time, Bad Guy, Good Guy and I never got to see it...

Image Source : Google Images

Thursday, June 17, 2010

I'll be away

I'll be away from here and all your Blogs until Sunday. At first, I had to go to Mars with Agent Don't know his name for a Secret Mission. But then, my mom forced me to go see my Aunt. Their house is nothing less than Mars. Though, there are no green people around and there's lots of air to breathe.

It is the same house where years back, I and my brother tried making things look like a Burglary. We have got stares ever since. As my brother won't be here to share a few, I will get all the stares and looks.

Things to take #1 - Double Eye patch

They should protect my eyes.


Since, she's been angry with us for a long time, my mom wants me take a box of chocolates. I just hope it reaches her
.
Things to take #2 - Box of Chocolates without opening them.

I guess having just one chocolate from the box would be okay.

What makes her house more like Mars is no TV. She doesn't have a Television at home. Oh my God. That's the most horrible thing to happen. What makes matters worse is no Computer. With no Computer comes no Internet.
According to her, "These things are just distractions. They are never entering my house..."
I just hope I can survive until Sunday and not do anything wrong.
Have a great weekend...

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Show And Tell : The Beginning

Show And Tell. Worst thing ever made in Second Grade. It was there every week. We were asked to bring something from home and talk about it.
I was bad at talking. I was worse at selecting things.

I got a few photographs for my first Show and Tell.
"Next?"
Mrs. Yells at me sounded exited.
"Yeah. Coming..."
"You? Alright... So what do you have for show and tell today?"
she wasn't exited now.
"Proof. Proof that Aliens exist."
"Whatever. Let's make this quick."


I was sure this was going to turn bad. I started anyway.
"UFO's are they real? Have they been to Earth? These are the very questions..."
"Just talk about the photographs. Please...?"
Mrs. Yells at me smiled.
"I am getting to that. Have they ever landed in a City or a Town? Are they sneaking around in disguises?"
"The Photographs. Just Show them. And then talk..."
"Okay. But before I can show these, there are a few more questions. Are there Alien Spaceships? And why are they shaped that way? Why do Aliens have green heads?"
"Did you watch an Alien Movie yesterday?"
Bobo my bench mate interrupted.
"Nope. Though, I did watch one a month back. I can't get its name. Alien Movies are always..."
"Ahem. Back to the Show and Tell."
Mrs. Yells at me said.
"Alright, Alright. So, why do Aliens hunt down Earthlings? What do they see in our Planet to arrive? Are they here..."
"Will you get to the Photographs? Talk about them. Only them. Nothing else..."
"Okay. No need to yell. Do the photographs of an amateur photographer who can't even hold his camera right really show a UFO? Has he encountered these creatures next to his home? Are the results an evidence of his close encounter? Or is this whole photograph thing just a big hoax?"
"That was a beautiful Show and Tell. Thank you..."
"I am not done yet..."

"Yeah. We want more..."
a few kids screamed.
"Continue..."
Mrs. Yells at me had tears in her eyes.

"Are these photographs by an amateur photographer enough to prove the existence of Aliens? Or is this just a Hoax?"

"You said that already..."
Miss Big Help shouted.

"I just wanted it to be a bit more dramatic."

"Can I give my Show and Tell next?"
Miss Big Help jumped.
"Yes..."
the teacher groaned.
"Hey. I am not done yet..."
I protested.
"Get to it then. I have this for Show and Tell"
Bobo said pointing to a rock.

"Anyway, listen to an Expert talk on Space Aliens, their flying bowls, advanced weaponry and their green heads. All this and more on my Show and Tell, Coming up Next after this short break... Mrs. Yell at me, can I use the bathroom?"
"Yeah. That was a great Show and Tell."
"I am not done. I am yet to talk about Aliens."
"You have more...?"

"I want to show this rock in Show and Tell."
Bobo said.
"Hey. Mrs. Yells at Me asked me to go next"
Miss Big Help protested.
"I haven't showed my evidence yet..."
I interrupted.

"Enough! Will you come here please? And bring the photographs."
her voice echoed.
I handed the evidence to her. She turned all red and screamed, "What hideous creature is that?"

"Alien. I found it in the backyard..."
"Why is it holding a Vacuum Cleaner then?"
"That should be its advanced weaponry..."


My Mom was called. Everyone were at the Principal's Chamber. Mr. Principal stared at me and looked at the photographs. He handed it to my Mom. She looked closely and giggled. The hideous thing in the picture was me with ketchup all over my face.
"So, the photographs happened to be a Hoax..."
I said.

My Mom laughed.
Mrs. Yells at me laughed not knowing why. Mr. Principal though stared at everybody this time...

Image Source : Google Images

Saturday, June 12, 2010

The Lemon Demon Inc.

The first company I ever owned was in Second Grade. I had a Lemonade Stand which was made from a Cardboard Box. There were a few glasses, a Jug and I took some Lemons from the Refrigerator.

I named it The Lemon Demon Inc. Demon rhymed and sounded scary! I had plans of making it the biggest Lemonade Stand chain in the world.

Anyway, I wrote the name on the box with a marker and added the price. There was an evil face under it. That was the Demon. The box was placed on my lawn and I was ready for my first customer.

After ten minutes of waiting, a huge kid arrived. On looking closely, I realized it was Bobo, my bench mate.
"A Lemonade Stand? I'll have one..."
"Okay. That would be 25 bucks..."
"25 bucks? No thanks. I almost forgot. Pay me 50 cents."
"What? Why?"
"I stopped by your Lemonade Stand."
"And?"
"You need to pay me..."
"Why should I give you my Money Bobo?"
"Its to Let you live through School fund..."
"Sounds like a worthy cause to me. Here..."
, I gave him a cent and button.
"Hey this is a button..."
"I know. That's worth 49 cents and you have a cent."
"I knew that. Bye."

He fell for that lie. As long as he realized the button wasn't worth 49 cents, I was safe. Bobo waved and left. Even before I could start my Big Business, I had a loss of a cent and a button.

Many people stopped by my stand. They stared at the price and the evil face. They looked at me next and left. Mr. Neighbor was my next customer.
"A lemonade stand. Very nice."
"You want some?"
"Yeah sure... Wait a minute. 25 bucks?"
his eyes almost popped out.
"Put it this way - Just 25 bucks?"
"Yeah? 25 is too much kiddo. You can always give me a free glass. I am your neighbor, remember?"
"Sorry. I forgot. Let's make a deal. How about 24 dollars?"

Mr. Neighbor gave me looks and left. I had lost another customer. I was having a loss. So, I decided to cut on expenses. I ran home and brought back another jug with water.

After a few minutes, my brother arrived. He was at home and wanted to see how my Lemonade stand was going on.
"25 bucks a glass?"
, he yelled. His eyes almost popped out too.
"Yeah. Want some?"
"25 bucks a glass?"
"You already said that. Want some?"
"How do you justify charging 25 dollars for a tiny glass of Lemonade?"
"Demand..."
"Demand? I don't see any demand. Thanks to your stall and this street looks like a sequence from a Horror Movie."

There was nobody around. Maybe, all the people who stopped and stared at my stall, informed others to not walk this way.
"There was a lot of demand a few minutes ago. Mr. Neighbor purchased two glasses."
"What? Maybe, he got hit on his head with a brick to buy two glasses. Or he's just crazy from the beginning. Anyway, where's the Lemonade?"
"Here..."
I pointed to a Jug of water with a lemon in it.
"You call that Lemonade?"
"After the recent ups and downs in my business, I had to cut on expenses."
"Why does that water look all brownish?"
"Mom uses that jug in gardening..."
"You mean that's dirty water? What if I got sick drinking that?"
"We have the Extra Special Lemonade for those Health conscious people. A glass of that would cost you 30 bucks..."
"Great! Good luck with your business. I'll be at home drinking something else."
"Go ahead. Its people like you who ruin jobs and business plans. Thanks for coming!"


The door was already shut. My dream of having The Lemon Demon Inc. all around the world was shattered. Maybe, adding the evil face wasn't a good idea...

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Harry Potato and the Worthless stone - IV

To read Part - III, click here.

Everyone followed some guy who claimed to be the prefect. "Corridors, keep up. This way."
"Where are we going?"
, Harry asked.
"To a small Corridor. That's where you guys will stay."
"Hey. I thought Corridor was the name of our house..."
"How do you think it got its name?"


They walked through a hallway and then stopped. "This is the most direct path to your house. Keep an eye on the staircases. They like to dance."
"Dance? That's weird. Hey those are Birdieclaw. Where are they staying?"
"On top a tree. Bird... Nest... Get it?"
"Not even a bit..."


The kids were at a passage soon. There was a huge door with the painting of a guy on it. He was wearing a sky mask and a huge hat. "Password?", the man asked.
"We don't have a Password."
, the prefect replied.
"Nope. You didn't stress on the don't properly."
"We dooon't have a Password. How's that?"
"Good. You may enter."


The huge door opened. Everyone were expecting a better corridor looking at its door. But it was a tiny and a narrow room.
"This is the Corridor Common Room or in other words the Corridor Corridor. HA HA. Get it? Corridor Corridor."

Nobody laughed. Pong asked, "Was that a joke?"
"Yeah... Anyway, Boy's dormitory straight ahead. And Girl's dormitory the same on this side. You will find that all your belongings have been placed next to your beds."


The next day Harry and his friends were seated in the Potions class. A man in a black cloak tried opening the door using a spell. After ten tries, he knocked. One of the students opened the door for him.
"I am Professor Severus Escape. There will be no silly wand waving..."
"Sir, why is your name Escape?"
, Pong asked.
"Don't make me forget my lines. It took me a day to rehearse them. Ask me anything later. Oh yeah let me continue... no silly wand waving in my class. As such, I don't expect all of you to appreciate the science of Potion making. I can teach you how to... wait a minute"


He took out a piece of paper and read, "I can teach you how to make potions and have glory and even stop death. Though, one guy is here forgetting his task..."
Harry was doodling in his book and not paying attention.

Professor Escape walked to Harry's desk and coughed. "It took me a day to practice those lines. Looks like you have enough abilities to not pay attention in my class."
"Well, I drew a Bunny. Here..."
, Harry handed out his book.
"It looks more like your head to me! So, Mr. Potato. Our new celebrity. The boy who forgot to save the potatoes. Since you weren't paying attention, I will ask you a few questions."
"Okey Dokey."
"Don't Okey Dokey me. Just answer. What would I get if I added Cereal to a bowl of milk?"
"I don't know sir."
, Harry replied. Hermione was lifting her hand.
"You don't know? Well, lets try again. What's the difference between a Werewolf and a Werewolf costume?"
"I don't know sir..."
"Me. Pick me..."
, Hermione jumped.
"Pity. Clearly fame isn't everything. Is it, Mr. Potato?"


After a boring Potions Class, Harry and his friends decided to go to the Great Hall. All of a sudden, there were owls. "Mail time...", Pong sounded exited.
The owls dropped stuff. Neville Shortbottom got a Forgetbrall. "I've read about it. It makes you forget things even if you managed to remember them...", Hermione said.
"Not very useful, is it?"
, Neville laughed.

Harry got a Newspaper. "Somebody broke into the bank at Lepregots. Look here. It says - Believed to be the work of Dark wizards, the Leprepongs at the bank insist that nothing was taken. The vault in question 7 from the Happy Meal Toys department had been emptied the very same day. That's odd. That's the vault Horrid and I went to. That was the vault with the Worthless Stone..."
"Worthless Stone? The name itself suggests its worthless. What can the dark wizards do with that?"
"Don't ask me. Anyway, what were the answers to Professor Escape's questions?"
"The first one was you would get Breakfast. And the second had the word costume."
, Hermione answered.
"Now why didn't I think of those?"
"You're a real potato, remember?"
    (to be continued)

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Math and Me

Math and I have never been very good friends. That made all my Math teachers hate me. The Integers were always mean and the signs made it all worse. I once said "Let's be good pals!" to my Math book. I got an F on my test the next day.

All my Math teachers either gave me stares or sad looks. There was Mrs. Yells at me in first grade. She gave me a F on my Math test once and wrote next to it "F" as in First from last!

There was Miss Big Help who sat next to me all the time. She was my bench mate in First grade. I turned to her for help in Tests. And she was always happy to help.
"Psst... What's 18+3?"
"12 billion..."
"Thanks..."
"That's 12 followed by 35 zeroes."
, she added.
"I knew that!"


I got another F on my test. Mrs. Yells at me looked really sad and handed out my paper. I asked Miss Big Help about it and she said, "Maybe, she didn't count the zeroes properly."
There was another test pretty soon and the Math paper laughed at me. I wasn't losing this time. But the question was pretty hard. It was division. The worst thing ever created in the horrible subject.

105 divided by 7 is _____

"Psst. Miss Big Help what's the answer to this question?"
"Ice cream in the Candy Van..."
"What?"
"Add Chocolate at the beginning."
"But this looks like Math."
"I know. Its a tricky question."


I believed Miss Big Help and wrote that as my answer. Mrs. Yells at me wanted everyone to keep their papers and call out the answers. I then realized that everyone were given a different question. So, if Miss Big Help's answer was
Chocolate Ice cream in the Candy Van, mine would be something else.
I asked Mrs. Yells at me if I could go use the Restroom.
"Let's see your answer first..."
"No! I've got to go. I 'll be back soon. Please...?"
"Okay. Two minutes."
"Done."


I was on a Public Phone. My Dad picked the Call. "Hello?"
"Dad its me..."
"Hey. You were supposed to be at School."
"I am at School, Dad."
"Are you alright? What's wrong? Why are you calling? What's the matter?"
"Don't panic Dad. Listen quick. I told the teacher I had to go to the restroom. What's
105 divided by 7?"
"What? You called me at work to cheat on your test?"
"The answer, dad. Quick..."
"That's not happening. At your age, I was determined to take all the Math questions. Division is pretty easy. Remember what we learned the other day..."
"I remember. And the answer is...?"
"Its a number. Bye."


That didn't help. Not even a little bit. I had guessed it was a number at the very beginning. I had to do something. Mrs. Yells at me had said two minutes. I entered the room and everyone were looking at me.
"Are you done or will you need another break?"
, she smiled.
"I'm done. BTW, Can I go drink some water?"
"No! Anyway, what's your answer?"
"Well... A number."
"Good. This was a Math test and everyone's got numbers. What exactly is your number?"
So, Miss Big Help had lied to me.
"Let's just say its a big number."
"Alright. Bring your paper."

I took my test paper to Mrs. Yells at me and was sure she would yell. She calmly read it out and said, "Very Good". My parents were called. Mr. Principal was shocked. My Mom kept looking at my test paper. My Dad though, felt a bit guilty for saying it was a number!

Image Source : Google Images

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Birthdays, Cake Fights and the Stare!

Yesterday was my Dad's Birthday. Even Mr. Neighbor was born on the same day. The guy who hates me a lot and has my name written on the top five spots in his "People to Hate" list. The other five goes to my brother and my dog.

After what happened on Mother's day, my Mom thought it was best that we purchased a Greeting card rather than make one. We had planned on gifting my Dad a watch and Mr. Neighbor a pair of shoes.

We were first at a Greeting Card store. After browsing for two minutes, we realized it was taking really long. Then, he found a greeting card. It had lovely words written on it. So, that was the Card we needed.

We then purchased the watch and brought a pair of white sneakers for Mr. Neighbor. We were back by 11 in the night and went to sleep. Yesterday, we got up early to give the presents. I woke my Mom first and my brother showed her the Card.
"This is cute, guys. I like that teddy bear picture a lot. Wait a minute, Happy Birthday Mom?"
"What? Where?"
, we spoke at the same time.
"Here. This is a card for a Mom. Not a Dad. Look, it says all the sweet words and then, Happy Birthday Mom."
"Don't worry, mom. We'll think of something."
I was thinking and that was a bad thing to do. I thought of a plan and my brother agreed.

So, we woke Dad and wished him a Happy Birthday. Then we gave him his present and the greeting card.
He read the lines out loud -
"On your very special day...
May the Nicest and Sweetest things come your way!
Happy Birthday... The word Mom cut with a marker and Dad written?"

That was the best plan we had. In defense my brother said, "The first two lines rhyme, don't they?"
"They sure do. Was that a prank?"
, he laughed.
"It sure was..."
, we spoke together.
"Thank you so much..."

As long as he thought we had played a prank, we didn't have to disclose our plan. My mom though was laughing awkwardly at the back.

Next up was Cut the cake part. We had purchased a Chocolate Cake with red things at the top which a guy from the Bakery claimed were cherries. They never looked like one. But we still trusted him.
It was time we tried my Brother's Invention. He calls it the "Throws Cake At Your Face-inator" or "TCAYF-inator". The thing has two metal sheets supported by a spring and a small release lever next to it. So, we had the lever stay outside the cake. My dad was standing in front of the cake and my brother pulled the lever. Nothing happened. He tried it again but it didn't work. The only thing to do was use our hands. So, we had a cake fight. We threw it on each other rather than eat like normal people. By the end, all we had were messy faces and a messy floor.

My Brother's invention was a boo. We were at my neighbor's house in the evening for his Birthday party. We spoke to Mrs. Neighbor about adding the TCAYF-inator in their Chocolate Cake. She didn't think it was the right thing to do.
I finally wished Mr. Neighbor, "Happy Birthday".
"Thank you. Well... Enjoy the party!"
"Here's a present from us. I am sure they'll fit. Wear these."
, my brother had a "Please" expression.
We got a stare from him. He tried them on and said, "These are great. Thanks a bunch."

The Birthday boys were having a chat. We again spoke to Mrs. Neighbor about adding the TCAYF-inator. "That's not happening. There are Old people here, guys. What if they panic on seeing a flying cake?"
"Alright. How about a cake fight?"
"Well... I am sure nobody will panic when they are busy throwing stuff at each other..."


It was the Cut the cake part. Everything was ready. Mr. Neighbor found us suspicious standing just across him. He cut the cake and everyone sang the Birthday song. I helped two old women with the lines. I started the cake fight by applying chocolate on Mr. Neighbor's face. My Brother and Dad were next. Within a few seconds, everyone were throwing cake bits like crazy. In a minute, there was no more cake left. Most of it was on the floor and on people's faces. The fight was over. Everyone were laughing except for Mr. Neighbor. He was staring at me and then at his shoes. The white sneakers were now brown. I got another spot on his list...

Image Source : Google Images