Saturday, July 31, 2010

The Art Lessons

My mom wanted her sons to be swimmers. One of those sons hated water and pretended to be allergic to it. So, the other was forced into swimming. Unfortunately, that was me.

After the horrible
Trip to Water Hell, my mom signed me up for Art lessons.
She stood near our car and looked excited "Guess what? I just signed you up for Art Lessons."

Those two words were enough to scare a seven year old. I ran around our front yard screaming. My mom caught me after five minutes of chasing.

"Okay. That was a good chase. Now let's go."


We arrived at a white building. There were many women by the Parking lot. They were my mom's friends and were waving at our car. My mom was going to wait for me until I got back from the class.
I walked in with my backpack. With me were a few more kids. All being forced into something called Art.


After walking around for a few minutes, I found a seat and set all my paints on the table. A guy arrived. He looked at all of us and said "Hello kids. Welcome to your art lessons. For the first lesson, you can draw whatever you like..."

I started painting. Mr. Art teacher kept walking around and commenting on everybody's art. Finally, he arrived at my table.

"That's a really nice painting of..."
he stared at the paper for a few minutes. "a dog holding a stick in his hand and blowing fire from his mouth?"

"Actually, that's a dragon. See, he's destroying the city here and that's a building in his hand. It happens to be the place where my neighbor works."

"Oh, okay."
Mr. Art teacher was shocked. He looked at my painting again and said "Very good. You may continue."


After one hour, I was done with my painting. Mr. Art teacher wanted everyone to bring their paper to the front. I was really excited to show him my finished art. My turn arrived and I walked to him with it.

He looked at it closely and said "So, you've added a few more buildings at the back and... a huge cow?"

"That's not a cow,"
I smiled at Mr. Art teacher. "It's a dragon. He was called by the first dragon since there was a lot more to destroy."

"Alright. And what's with all these monkeys?"

"These are people running around. If you look closely, there is one man holding a banner."

He looked at the drawing closely and read out the lines-


HELP! My Office was just eaten by a Dragon. Now, another Dragon is headed to my house. I wonder who told them about me.

Mr. Neighbor


"So, you were the one who told them about Mr. Neighbor?"

"Exactly..."
I smiled at Mr. Art teacher.
He handed my drawing after giving it a C and drew a grumpy expression on it.

"Now, I want you all to draw a flower. Remember to make it colorful and use only light shades. Alright, begin..."

Mr. Art teacher again decided to walk around and comment on paintings. He arrived near my table and screamed "Oh my god! What hideous thing is that?"
"That's the first dragon holding a flower."
"And this ugly head?"
he pointed at the corner of the paper.
"That's the second dragon peeping inside the picture. They are giving this flower to Mr. Neighbor as a gift."


Everything that happened next took place in slow motion. Mr. Art teacher set down my drawing and looked at me "The dragon in this picture looks like a huge bird that's not been eating for a year. Son, you'll never be an artist."
The last part was enough to make me upset. That triggered my seven year old hands to pick the paintbrush and paint Mr. Art teacher's face.

I was escorted out of the building. Mr. Art teacher's face was all colorful. He handed my mom the drawings. Then, he gave us looks and left.
My mom had planned on showing my drawings to Mrs. Neighbor. After looking at the banner, she knew it wasn't a safe thing to do.

Image Source:
Google Images

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Show And Tell : The Secret

Show and Tell was there again. Mrs. Yells at me was really angry after what I did with Spongy Man.

She stared at me and said "Can you please give a nice Show and Tell this time?"

"Yes!"


Mrs. Yells at me wanted me to go first this time "Alright, you can begin."

"Today for Show and Tell, I have this,"
I held out my clasped hands.

"Why don't you open your hands and show the class what you've brought."

"No! Today for Show and Tell, I refuse to show what I've brought."

"Why?"
Mrs. Yells at me was surprised.

"There happen to be many reasons. But all I can say is, I refuse to talk about the thing in my hands."

"The idea of Show and Tell is to show the class..."

"In my hands is a mystery,"
I interrupted her. "This mystery will haunt you for the rest of your puny miserable lives. In my hands is a Secret which you will never know. You may beg or cry and even give me chocolates as a bribe. But NO! You guys will never get to see it."


"Well,"
Mrs. Yells at me had huge eyes now. "You may sit down in that case. Thank you for that wonderful Show and Tell."

"I am not done yet. As I was saying, I'll keep this secret away from everyone and hold my hands clasped this way forever. Nobody will know what's in them. Including the President."

"The president?"
Miss Big Help sounded confused.

"Yes. I will later bury it somewhere safe so that nobody can have a look. And even if I show it to people, I'll never let you have a look, Miss Big Help!"

"Hey,"
she yelled.

"Can you hand it over..."

"No!"
I interrupted Mrs. Yells at me again. "I won't bury it. I'll throw it far away in Space. That way, it will take astronauts millions of years to find it. This day will be remembered for when all you kids including the teacher never got to see the secret in my hands. This day will also be remembered for the Show and Tell that was never shown or told!"


Mrs. Yells at me was really angry. She came over and asked me to hand over the secret. I didn't want to. So, I ran. She chased me around the class and after five minutes of screaming, panting and yelling, I was caught. She opened my clasped hands.

The kids behind were all cheering. Everyone was expecting something really huge and shiny. But they were in for a shock when Mrs. Yells at me picked the secret from my hands and showed it to the entire class.


I was in the Principal's chamber. Mr. Principal wasn't happy. He stared at the secret. It was placed on his table. My parents were called and as always, they were stunned.

Mr. Principal looked at me and said "You did all that to keep a pebble in your hands?"

"That's not a pebble."

"Oh yeah, this is a white pebble."
Mrs. Yells at me added.

"I should have listened to Agent 17.3 and Agent 16.2,"

"What's he talking about?"
Mr. Principal asked my parents.
My mom looked like she hadn't heard a thing and my dad blurted out something.
"I'll tell you,"
I said. "Agent 17.3 and Agent 16.2 are aliens. They handed the white stone to me this morning and said that nobody's brain was as advanced as mine. They had warned me that your eyes could only see this as a white pebble and not as a strange thing found in space."


Everyone in the room were now shocked. They looked at each other but didn't say a thing. A little while later, it was confirmed that the pebble was a part of our Driveway. My parents were happy that the case was solved. Though, Mr. Principal and Mrs. Yells at me continued staring...

Image Source:
Google Images

Monday, July 26, 2010

A Detective Story : Mr. Farmer's Disappearance

Mr. Stupid and Lord Grumpy were detectives. Even though they were rivals, joining forces was a necessity for solving this particular case. Mr. Stupid opened the file. There it was, in red - "Mr. Farmer's peculiar disappearance!"

Mr. Stupid was a Private Eye. At least, it said so on his room's door. This was the same room where he had solved many cases. Like the one about "The Stolen Sneakers Bar from the Chamber of Food" and one on a "Numbers Racket".

Detective Grumpy had his Private Eye on the next street. He held a blank stare all the time. He had entered Mr. Stupid's room for the first time and didn't seem happy.


"I am here only because Dad asked me to."
he looked at Mr. Stupid.

Maybe, Dad was another detective who had handed the case to Detective Grumpy. Mr. Stupid knew that cracking this case would be difficult. He held out a bag which had key evidences.

"What are these?"
Detective Grumpy asked.

"This here will help us crack the case."

"Toys? Can we please do something else?"

"No,"
Mr. Stupid said. "Remember what Dad said."

"Alright,"
he wasn't happy. "Okay what do we play?"

"These toys should help present the chain of events that took place before Mr. Farmer's disappearance. Let's go back to the day when he went missing..."


It was a beautiful Sunday morning. Mr. Farmer has just woken up. He picks himself up from his bed and walks towards the kitchen. 20,000 feet above, the engines of flight 150 stop working for no reason. The Pilot forgets to turn it on and is now unaware that the huge white aircraft is losing altitude. Mr. Farmer casually looks out of the kitchen window and stares at the sea. He lights his stove to make some coffee. The Sea behind the Farmer's house is silent until a huge ship arrives. People on the ship are screaming. A few have jumped and the others are trying to find life jackets. The Captain of the cruise liner has just fallen asleep and nobody is able to wake him up...


"That was fun,"
Detective Grumpy stared. "I'll be downstairs."

"You can't leave this case here. We must solve it. We must find how Mr. Farmer disappeared."

"Forget it. I know where this will end up..."

"Remember what Dad said."

"Okay..."
Detective Grumpy was angry. Mr. Stupid couldn't avoid his stares. But, he had a case to solve. So, he continued.

The cruise liner is now headed towards the blue house where Mr. Farmer lives. Meanwhile, the driver of a 30-car passenger train looks at the cruise liner. He can't believe his eyes but realizes that the ship will be charging towards the train pretty soon. The Driver makes a hasty decision and pulls a gear. The train is now going faster than before. It jumps the tracks and drags all the cars into the air behind it. As for the Aircraft, it is heading towards the ground. The Pilot tries to get the engine running but in vain. He gives up hope and waits wishing the aircraft survives the impact. The Cruise liner still has a sleeping Captain. The crew have just played a Trumpet next to his ear. But, he won't wake up.

In a freak coincidence, the Aircraft, the Train and the Cruise liner are all converging on one spot, Mr. Farmer's home...

"That's enough. Can't we do something else?"

"No,"
Mr. Stupid said. "This is an important case and we are almost done solving it."


Mr. Farmer takes his coffee and decides to go get the newspaper. He opens the front door only to find a passenger train charging at him. He turns around and looks up to find a white Aircraft falling at him. The farmer has nowhere to go. He runs towards the shed at the back of his home. He looks up hearing a lot of commotion. A cruise liner is headed towards him and he can't decide where to go. Finally, he runs to his home and hides inside a closet.
There is a KABOOM and then a BIFF. This is followed by a WHAM, a CRASH and two BOOMS. Finally, there is an OUCH and a POW.


This happens to be Reason #7 of the three bazillion ones why my brother never played with me. My Dad always forced him to. Though, after this incident, it was a long time since he dropped by my room.


Image Source: Google Images

Friday, July 23, 2010

Harry Potato and the Worthless stone - VIII

To read Part - VII, click here.

The Sandwich season had begun. Harry would be playing in his first match: Corridor versus Superthin. Nobody knew Harry was a part of the Corridor team. Wood had kept it a secret as he knew people would be shocked to see a Potato on a Vacuum Cleaner.


In the changing rooms, Harry and the rest of the team changed into their robes. Everyone were excited except for Harry.
"Ahem,"
Wood cleared his throat for silence. He had to say it seventeen times to make everyone quite.
"OK, men,"
he said.
"And women,"
said a girl from the back.
"Who are you?"
"What? I have been on the team since last year."
she wasn't happy.
"Okay, and women,"
Wood said. He looked at harry and smiled, "And Potatoes!"
"Hey! No need to mention that all the time."


The corridors left the changing room and arrived at the ground. They gathered around Madam Ouch who was sleeping.
"Madam Ouch, wake up. You are the referee."
Wood spoke in a low voice.
"Oh yeah, sorry about that. Anyway, I want a nice fair game, all of you,"
she said. "Mount your Vacuum cleaners, please."
Harry got onto his Vacuumus 2000. It had a huge START button. Harry pressed it and waited. It rose high up into the air.
"Now, when I blow my whistle... where's my whistle..."
Madam Ouch searched all her pockets. "Forget the whistle. I'll just count to three."
Harry was still not convinced that Madam Ouch was a flying instructor.
"Alright, get ready three - two - one - play..."


Wood flew high up and caught the black ball. He moved around quickly and managed to get it in one of the ring shaped goals. There were cheers everywhere.
A player from Superthin managed to dodge three defenders and land the black ball into a goal. The scores were level now. Harry waited for the Dust ball but it never arrived. Finally, he found it moving around. Harry pointed his Vacuumus 2000 towards the dust ball. He picked up speed and ran over it. The crowd was silent now. Everyone were shocked to find Harry who was looking sick.

"He's going to be sick."
Hermione yelled while watching through her binoculars.
"What?"
Pong looked through his. "Harry is holding his hand to his mouth. Now he's coughing. And now, there is a brown ball in his hand."
"Ewww..."
the crowd screamed.
"No need to Ewww people, it's the Dust Ball. Corridor wins!"
the commentator said.

There was a loud cheer. The Corridors were all celebrating. Pong and Hermione were cheering for Harry. Harry held out the Dust Ball to the crowd. It was all wet now. Even though the sight was disgusting, the cheers continued.


That evening, Harry, Pong and Hermione were in the great hall.
"You were amazing Harry!"
Pong said.
"Thanks, Pong..."
Harry smiled.
"Congratulations, Mr. Potato," There was a voice from behind. It was Professor Escape. "You did well in the game."
"Thank you, Sir."
"I hope you don't get sucked into that vacuum cleaner in your next game. Or worse, end up swallowing the Dust Ball."
"Don't worry. I don't fit in the Nozzle. And the Vacuumus 2000 comes with a Carpet Nozzle. That way, I can never get sucked in."
"A Carpet Nozzle? Wow. Can I borrow it for a day? The carpet in my Potions classroom needs a clean up."
"Sure. Can I get candies in exchange?"
"No,"
Professor Escape looked at Harry. "I almost forgot. There's one more thing. Don't end up turning into French fries. I love French fries!" He stared at Pong and left.
"Why did he stare at me?"
"I don't know."
Hermione said.

Harry looked at Professor Escape. He was limping and his leg had a huge cut.
"Did you see the blood on his right leg?"
"Blood?"
Pong and Hermione spoke together.
"Yeah. I guess last night, Escape tried to get past that three headed clown. But, he got bit and that's why he's limping."
"Why would anybody go near that thing?"
"I am sure it is guarding something and Professor Escape wants it. The restricted floor had the large McDonald's Golden Arches logo. And Escape said he loved French fries."
     (to be continued)

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Back from Moon

I am back from the Space Mission. It went really bad and the Green People from "Planet of Green people" weren't impressed.

We all arrived at the moon, my Grandparents house the other day. My brother didn't think it was wise to have me around. But, every trip needed me. So, I decided to join them.

We were at their house early in the morning. The Moon is a great place. Though, it does have lots of things that happen to be fragile. I found a tiny glass fish. Next to it was a glass ship. I picked them and held them high up. The next moment, they gained Superpowers and transformed into Super Fish and Super Ship.

I was now playing a decent Superhero game. It included flying and fighting with sounds. Super Fish and Super Ship charged towards each other and lost their Superpowers. They slipped from my hands and fell on a Coffee Table. Super Fish and Super Ship were now in a huge mess of shattered glass. What made the situation worse was a crack on the Coffee table. Who buys a Coffee table with a glass top?

Staying in the Moon was no longer safe. So, I wrote a secret note and placed it next to the mess. I was in the open and found a man sitting in his backyard. I walked to him "Hello!"
"Hi, how can I help you?"
he smiled.
"I am your neighbor's grandson."
"Oh,"
his smile turned into a stare. "So, you were the one who pushed the Wedding Cake at her daughter's wedding."
"Yes. Actually, my brother was a part too. We were pushing the Wedding Cake around and..."
"And you pushed it into a Swimming Pool."
"Exactly."
"How didn't you notice a huge pool?"
"We never knew it had water. Anyway, I am going to the Park. Would you like to join me?"
"Well, okay."


We walked to the Park. Mr. Old Man looked at me and asked "What were you expecting in a Swimming Pool other than water?"
"Lots of things. But, we were testing if the cake would hold its shape on falling inside."

He wasn't happy with that answer.

We were at the Park and walked around for a few minutes. I suggested we sit on the grass. He looked around and sat down. We were speaking about the Swimming pool incident when I noticed a huge sign that read - "Do not walk on the Grass". The sign never mentioned sitting. So, I ignored it.
Mr. Old man saw the sign and said "I think we should leave. The sign says not to sit on the grass."
"No it doesn't. It says not to walk on the grass. Sitting is not mentioned."


I could remember everything that had happened four years ago - the reason why the
Old People's Safety Department had begun. I had done a similar mistake then and Old People everywhere hated me.
The next moment, water started to splash on our faces. It wasn't raining. I looked closely and found a couple of sprinklers turning on. I got up and ran.
Mr. Old man wasn't quick enough and got caught between a couple of sprinklers. He got out finally but was drenched and angry.
"I guess you're not supposed to sit either."
Mr. Old man stared at me.

I got stares all the way until we reached his home. He was still dripping. I returned home and found my grandmother waiting. My parents were next to her and my brother was standing behind. They were all angry.
"I had nothing to do with this mess. I even left a note to prove my innocence."
"You mean this?"
My brother held it out. He read out the secret note "I had nothing to do with Super Fish and Super Ship. Even the cracked Coffee Table!"
Maybe, the note wasn't very convincing. The door behind me flung open. There were four people and none of them were happy. Among the four was Mr. Old Man. He spoke to my grandmother for sometime. Everyone stared at me and this time, I couldn't leave Moon. Only if Super Fish and Super Ship had the power to regenerate.

Image Source: Google Images

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Black and White Talk

Mister Boo is my brother's friend. Even though he has a "Boo" in his name, we get along well. Every time I meet him, we have a stupid conversation.

A month back, he had arrived to meet my brother. In his hand was a large Photo album. I couldn't help notice it. So, I popped over.
"Mister Boo, what's that?"
"This here is my family's treasure."
"Wow. Are you planning to sell it?"

He stared at me and said "No! Treasure in the sense of importance. In this album are all my ancestors."
"Wow. How did they all fit into a small book?"
"Well, they had their pictures taken."
"Oh, and by ancestors, are there monkeys too?"
"Nope. Just my great grandparents and their parents and their relatives. My Dad's uncle, aunt and a few neighbors..."

"Neighbors? Why did you put them in a family photo album?"
"There was lots of room. Back to what's in this book - My mom's relatives. Her aunt's five cats..."
"Ahem. That's a lot of pictures. Anyway, let me have a look."
"Alright. But, the book is very fragile. Make sure you hold it right."
he handed the book to me. All the pictures inside where in Black and White.

"I was thinking,"
Mister Boo looked at me. "How come old photographs are all in Black and White? Didn't they have color film back then?"
Both of us knew the answer. It was a NO. Since, he had started off, I couldn't end it that simple.
"Actually,"
I began. "They did have color film. In fact, all these photographs are in color. The world was black and white then."
"Wow. Really?"
"Yes. The world didn't turn color until 1920's. That was when the sun decided it should start sending colorful light rather than shades of gray."
"The Sun did that? Wow. But, why are old paintings in color? If the world was black and white back then, wouldn't the artists paint it that way?"
"Actually, most artists imagined a world filled with color. The Sun told a few others that it would one day send colorful light. The ones left were all crazy."
"But how could they have painted in color anyway? Their paints must have been only shades of gray. The sun sent colorful light only in the 1920's, remember?"
"Exactly. They did have only gray paints back then. But they all changed to color when the Sun sent in the colorful light."
"Didn't you say the Sun convinced some artists to paint in color?"
"I did. But, that was a lie which many artists told. They were just like the other crazy bunch. The ones who imagined the world colorful were all insane."
"Alright. But, if their black and white paintings changed to color, why didn't these photographs change too?"
"That's because, the Sun wanted to leave some evidence of a Black and White world. Presidents from every country agreed too..."

"You guys are crazy,"
there was a voice from behind. It was my brother. He was staring at me "That's the worst explanation for Black and White photography." He turned to Mister Boo and said, "Don't you have books to borrow?"
"I do,"
he took a few books from my brother and walked towards me. "We should get back to our conversation online..."

I didn't go online that day. I was out of any more explanations for how the world changed to color from Black and White
.


Image Source:
Google Images

P.S
- I will be at the Moon for an important space mission. So, wait for me until Wednesday. If I'm not back, send in a Space Shuttle to Planet of Green People. Keep roaming in the space until you find a poster which says - "We are the Green People!". The guys in it might have abducted me. I will be away from all your wonderful blogs until I get back. Hope you all have a great weekend!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Harry Potato and the Worthless stone - VII

To read Part - VI, click here.

The staircase finally stopped dancing and turned towards the Corridor Tower. Harry, Pong and Hermione got off and hurried to their dormitories.
Pong was angry, "What do they think they're doing, keeping a thing like that locked up in a School?"
"I don't know..."
said Harry.

They ran until they reached the portrait of the man with the ski mask and the large hat.
"Password?"
"We dooon't have a Password."
"Wow. Finally somebody got it right on their first try. Nobody get's the don't correct..."
"Will you just open the door?"
Hermione yelled.
"Alright. No need to yell. You may enter."
The portrait flung open.

"Who keeps a three headed clown in a School?"
Pong was still furious.
"Maybe, it lives there."
said Harry.
Hermione interrupted, "You don't use your eyes, do you? Didn't you see what it was standing on?"
"No,"
Pong and Harry spoke together.
"It was standing on a trapdoor. It's guarding something."


The next day, Harry and Wood were in the grounds. Since, Harry was the new Corridor cleaner, he needed some training.
"You're the youngest house cleaner in the century, Harry."
Wood was thrilled.
"I know. But, I hate cleaning."
"What do you mean?"
he snapped.
"I used to clean a farmer's house before I arrived here. Now, I will have to clean the entire school."
"You're a cleaner in Sandwich. Every team has a cleaner and you're the one for Corridor."
"Oh. What's Sandwich?"
"
Sandwich is a game
played by two teams of seven players riding flying vacuum cleaners, using four balls and six elevated ring-shaped goals. You're job is to catch a Dust Ball. You do that and we win the game."
"That's nice. For a moment, I thought I would be made to clean the school."
"Oh, we don't call them Cleaners. They are called - Clean rooms, hallways, windows, floors, desks and blah, blah, blah. You say the 'blah' three times."
"Why can't you just call them cleaners?"
"That's because they are called
Clean rooms, hallways..."
"I got it
."
"Alright, let's get back to the training. But before we can start, we need to find a dust ball."

Harry and Wood waited for a couple of hours. Wood fell asleep and Harry kept looking for a dust ball. Finally, it arrived. "There!" he yelled.
Wood woke up and said "Glad you found one. Okay, training complete. You catch that Dust Ball and we win the game. Let's go."

Harry, Pong and Hermione were in the great hall that evening.
"They call cleaners differently here. My job is to catch a Dust Ball."
"Now, why wouldn't they call Cleaners, Cleaners?"
"Well..."
Harry was confused. All of a sudden, there was an owl.
"Mail time,"
Pong sounded excited.
The owl flew by their table and dropped a large package.
"What's this?"
Hermione asked.
"It's for you Harry. Open it."

Harry opened the package and found a Vacuum Cleaner.
"Whoa. This is the Vacuumus 2000. This is the fastest Vacuum Cleaner in the world. It comes with a huge START button too."

Harry was happy. He looked around to see who had given it to him. Everyone were busy bending down. Professor McDonald looked at him and smiled. Harry smiled at her and kept searching.
After a few minutes, she walked to him. "I gave you the Vacuumus 2000. You can't expect me to walk over and say that. You should have realized it the moment I smiled."
"Sorry about that professor. Thank you. But what do I do with it?"
"Clean, of course. You're a Cleaner, remember?"
     (to be continued)

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Show And Tell : Spongy Man

Show and Tell arrived again. This time, I couldn't decide on what to talk about. I had tried speaking on Aliens and a Dinosaur. They had both ended badly. I finally decided and took something to school.

Mrs. Yells at me called out names randomly for Show and Tell. After an hour, she was done and sounded really excited. "You were all great! Now that you're done, take down the Math quiz from the board..."

"Mrs. Yells at me, you never called out my name."
I lifted my hand.

"Oh!"
She wasn't excited now. She stared at me and asked "Are you prepared for your Show and Tell?"

"Yes."

"Okay. Remember, no Dinosaurs and hoax Aliens."

"Don't worry. This is way better than those."


I began, "Today for Show and Tell, I have brought my pet."

"What?"
Mrs. Yells at me was shocked.

"Yes. His name is Spongy and he's in my backpack."

"Oh my god. You brought your pet to School in your bag?"
"Yeah. He fit in the side pocket."

I walked to my backpack and opened the zipper. Mrs. Yells at me was pretty scared. So were everyone in class. Bobo had closed his eyes. I opened the side zipper and lifted my pet.
"That's your pet?"
Miss Big Help yelled.
"Yes. His name is Spongy."
"That's a yellow sponge with poorly drawn eyes and evil looking set of teeth."
"They aren't evil."
"Yeah. They look pointy to me. Not evil."
Bobo interrupted.
"Guys, I guess you can have a talk about the Sponge's teeth later,"
Mrs. Yells at me was confused. She stared at me and said, "Give your Show and Tell, quick!"
I walked up to the front again. "Spongy was just an ordinary sponge lying around my house. One day, I found him in the garage looking all sad. I picked him..."
"Mrs. Yells at me, I'm sure this will be a boring story. Can we take the Math quiz."
Miss Big Help said.
I continued, "I picked him up and drew some eyes and then some teeth. This tie here is a new addition. Oh yeah, I almost forgot," I walked to my backpack again and brought a red handkerchief.
"What's that?"
Mrs. Yells at me sounded suspicious.
"This is Spongy's big secret. He is a Superhero and this is his tiny cape. He'll be known by everybody in the world as Spongy Man..."
"Spongy Man? Can I hold him?"
Bobo jumped.
"Sure. But, he has an important task today. This classroom is filled with Evil and he's going to get rid of it..."
"That was a good Show and Tell. Thank you!"
Mrs. Yells at me was shocked.
"I'm not done yet. Back to the Evil part. Miss Big Help here is Evil. But there is something even scarier than her that Spongy Man wishes to destroy."

Miss Big Help was angry. She gave me scary looks.
"The Evil is on this very Chalkboard..."
"What?"
a few students and Mrs. Yells at me spoke together.
"These Math problems are all evil. Spongy Man will save you from them."
I picked Spongy and dragged him on the Chalkboard. Mrs. Yells at me didn't move. Maybe, she was stuck to her seat. I managed to erase all the math problems. "The day is saved. Thanks to Spongy Man..."

The next moment, Mr. Principal was examining Spongy Man. I was at his chamber again. My parents were called and my dad was glad to have found the sponge. He used it to wipe our Car. Mrs. Yells at me had to rewrite all the math problems and she wasn't happy. As always, Mr. Principal gave me the stares.

Image Source: Google Images

Thursday, July 8, 2010

The Frisbee Adventure

The guy living next to our house has a great family. Most of them hate me. Mr. Neighbor's mom suspects I am an Alien. His uncle stays away from me and his aunt think clumsiness can spread. She carries a handkerchief while I am around.

A couple of months ago, they had all arrived at Mr. Neighbor's home. Our family stopped by to greet them. My Parents were the only ones who enjoyed the visit. My brother got looks and I got stares.


The next day, they were all playing Frisbee on their front yard. I had to go meet my friend. So, I walked past them when there was a voice,

"Why don't you join us?"
Mrs. Neighbor smiled.
"Well, I am actually going to meet my friend..."
"Just one game. It'll be fun!"
Mr. Neighbor's Nephew waved.
"Okay. I guess my friend can wait. One game sounds good to me."
I hopped in.

Most of them weren't happy. Especially Mr. Neighbor. He always yelled at me for walking on the lawn. He couldn't say a thing now. The game began. I was standing between Mr. Neighbor's mom and aunt and that was really scary. His aunt was still holding the handkerchief.


We played for some time and the Frisbee landed in my hand. I had to do something to impress the crowd. The only crowd around was Mr. Neighbor's family. Doing something new would at least distract them from staring.

So, I threw the Frisbee high. It was supposed to do two flips, stop mid-air for a few seconds and then land on the ground. I had never tried the act before. The Frisbee went flying and landed in the branches of a tree. Now, that was a bad sign.
There was silence for a few minutes. Then, the staring situation got bad.

Mr. Neighbor's Nephew found a stick. He walked to the tree and threw the stick gently towards the branch. The Frisbee didn't move.
"Do you think this will work?"
I had asked a stupid question. The staring continued.

"Well, it should cause some disruption."
He took an aim and threw the stick again. It bounced straight back to the earth.

What this situation clearly needed was me. I declared to give it a try. There were first a few questions, "Are you sure?" and "Do you know to throw a stick?" I answered them with a "YES" and picked the stick from the ground. I was a Superhero and saving the Frisbee was my task. With confidence in my veins and glory in my sight, I threw the stick towards the branch. The stick flew for some time and then, joined the Frisbee. I looked around to see if there were anymore elements of nature. There were no more sticks. I got the looks again.

Mr. Neighbor had left even before I threw the stick. He returned to the lawn and declared, "Forget it! Here's another Frisbee..."
Everyone celebrated. I thought it was wise to leave. But, my friend could wait a bit longer. So, I stayed anyway. We played for a few more minutes and the Frisbee landed in my hand. I tried my act again. This time everything was fine, until it dropped.
The Frisbee flew straight over somebody's head. Then, it moved towards the tree with the first Frisbee. But, it turned and flew straight into a bigger tree. This tree was a few feet away from the first one.

Nobody spoke for while. Surprisingly, there were no stares either. They were all looking at the two trees. I said something stupid again "Maybe, you guys should go back inside..."
The staring situation turned worse.

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Google Images

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Evil Miss Big Help

Miss Big Help was my bench mate in First grade. She was always mean to me. But the one bad thing I did turned her from mean to a scary person. She had red horns on her head - a sign of Evil. We had a quiz and I turned to her for help.

7+5 is ____

"Psst, Miss Big Help! What's the answer to this question?"

"Apple Pie..."

"But this is a Math problem. The answer should be in numbers right?"

"It's a trick question. The seven and five are the dimensions of the pie. And they rhyme too, seven and five makes Apple Pie!"

"Okay... Hey, how come you wrote something different?"

"I am going to get this question wrong. That way, Mrs. Yells at me won't think you copied."

"Wow. Thanks! But how about the other questions?"

"Just write what I say."


I wrote everything that she said. Couple of answers had Angry faces. One answer was Santa Claus. I was done with the test and I thanked her. The results were out the next day. I got a D on my test and next to it was a weird expression. I looked up at Mrs. Yells at me and she was wearing the same look.


The next week, we had another math quiz.

"Psst, Miss Big Help! What's the answer to question one?"

"Its Seven Bazillion..."

"Having a pleasant conversation?"
There was a voice from behind us. It was Mrs. Yells at me.
Miss Big Help couldn't get a word out "But... I..."

"Maybe, you should sit up front. That way, you won't distract him anymore."

I had to say something
"I tried to get her to be quite. She wanted to say the answer even though I never asked her. You know how girls are..."
Mrs. Yells at me stared and left. Miss Big Help was still stunned and her face was all red.


I was all alone now. So, I sent Miss Big Help a note -


Hey Miss Big Help,

How is the view way up there? HA HA

You look like a clown when you turn all red. Another HA HA

And how many zeroes should I add to
Seven Bazillion?

Miss Big Help turned and stared at me. She was really angry. She took out her pencil and started writing a note. I was sure it was addressed to me.

She was scribbling and didn't notice Mrs. Yells at me who was standing next to her.

"Writing notes in class?"
Miss Big Help turned all red again and there was an "EEP!" from her.


She was sent to the Principal's Chamber. I was lucky the teacher had blamed her for everything I did. But, I kept wondering what was happening inside.
She returned pretty quick and walked to Mrs. Yells at me. She whispered something and got back to her seat.
"Miss Big Help, what did they do to you? Did you get expelled? Are you banished from the neighborhood? What happened?"

Miss Big Help didn't say a thing. Then she turned and stared at me. "You will learn pretty soon. I just said one thing and Mr. Principal was convinced."

"What? What did you say?"

"Nothing..." Miss Big Help smiled at me. An Evil Smile.

Mrs. Yells at me called out my name. I walked to her. On the way, I turned to find Miss Big Help still wearing the Evil Smile.


The next part of the story was bad. Miss Big Help had snitched on me. I got in trouble for getting her in trouble. Mr. Principal and
Mrs. Yells at me gave me the stares. I was happy my parents weren't called. But then, they arrived. This time, I turned all red and screamed an "EEP!". All the four people stared at me. Miss Big Help stayed Evil and I continued cheating off her in quizzes...

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Saturday, July 3, 2010

Harry Potato and the Worthless stone - VI

To read Part - V, click here.

Harry followed Professor McDonald. She seemed furious and said
"I waited an entire day for you to get back to the ground. Anyway, you could have broken your neck or worse, got sucked into the Vacuum Cleaner. You're a real Potato remember?"
"Why does everyone say the - '
You're a real Potato remember' part?" Harry asked.
"Well, that's because you are one Mr. Potato."


Harry was sure he would get expelled. Getting expelled meant returning to the farm and scaring trespassers. He hated that job.
Professor McDonald led Harry through a Hallway and then stopped near a Classroom. She called for a student. A boy arrived from inside. "I forgot, what's your name?" she asked.
"Harry Potato..."
"Not yours, Mr. Potato. You..."
she pointed at the boy who had just arrived.
"What? Professor, you have known me for five years. I am Wood."
"Oops. Sorry about that. I couldn't sleep for an entire day. I was looking at this guy flying a Vacuum Cleaner and counting his 'Please'."

Wood was confused.
"Oh. I almost forgot,"
she said. "Wood - I've found you a Cleaner."
"Are you sure?"
"I watched him from the beginning. He found the start switch on the Vacuum Cleaner pretty quick. And he knows to fly too..."
"But, Professor,"
Wood interrupted. "He's a real Potato..."
"Hey!"
Harry protested.

Harry was now the new Corridor cleaner. He never understood what it meant. Though, looking at Professor McDonald, he was sure it was a good thing.
At dinner, Harry broke the news to Pong and Hermione.
"That's great, Harry,"
Pong said. "You must be the youngest cleaner of the century. Nobody ever makes it there this quick."
"What do you think a cleaner does?"

"Clean?"
Pong and Hermione spoke together.


The three finished their dinner and decided to get back to their rooms. Harry wasn't very happy now. He kept wondering why he was made the cleaner. They climbed the stairs and it moved.
Hermione said "Remember? The prefect had said the stairs like to dance...". They danced for a long time and then stopped.
"Let's go before they start dancing again..."
Harry said. They climbed the stairs quickly and found a passageway.

"Oh no. We are at the third floor. Remember Professor Dumpydoor had said this floor was restricted."
Hermione sounded scared.
"Yeah. He even asked us to run around screaming if we arrived here..."
Pong was shivering.
"Wait a minute,"
harry said. "What's with the large yellow 'M'?" he pointed to a board.
"It looks like
The McDonald's Golden Arches logo. I think we should get out of here."
"Who's there?"
there was a voice from outside. It was the caretaker.
"Let's go this
way." Harry said. Pong and Hermione followed him. They ran across a passage and then arrived at a large room.
"What are all these dining chairs doing here?"
Pong asked.
"I don't know. Look, there's a door."
They ran to it and entered the room.
"I wonder why the third floor is restricted."
"Well... I think I know why..."
They were looking straight into the eyes of a monstrous clown. The three heads of the red haired clown was angry. Harry managed to find the doorknob and opened it. The three fell backwards and ran around screaming until they reached the staircase. It was still dancing. They got on and danced with it...   (to be continued)

Thursday, July 1, 2010

The Soft Drink Mishaps

I love Soft drinks. But they tend to attract bad luck while in my hands. They bring trouble and then laugh at me. The Black liquid is just Evil.

Mishap 1

Bad luck struck for the first time in a theater. We were late by five minutes and had to find our seats quick. My parents gave me the responsibility to hold two Large Cokes. I wonder why they did that.
Anyway, I moved around clumsily while people kept yelling. I found our seats and walked towards them. The glasses were still in my hands and I was looking at them to make sure they didn't fall down. And that was when it happened.
I tripped on a guy's shoe and one on the glasses slipped from my hand. It flew towards the seat in the front and disappeared. The next moment, a man stood up. His face was all wet and he looked angry.

"You dropped Soda on my head..."
he yelled.
I didn't know what to say "He did it!" I pointed towards my brother.
"Hey!"
he protested.
"Who dropped the soda on my head?"
the man demanded.
"Yeah. Who dropped soda on his head?"
I said. My brother was stunned. He said the same thing. The man stared at both of us. The soda was still dripping from his head.

The guy sitting next to me was the reason I tripped. He couldn't resist staying out of the conversation.

"You should be glad he didn't drop it on your jeans. Now, that could have been embarrassing."

"You think this is funny? Let's see how you would react if a can of soda fell on your head."
The man snatched the other glass from my hand and poured the soda on the guy's head. The two people were now soaked in coke. They were yelling at each other and I was standing in between them. My brother pulled me and we fled.

Mishap 2

I was in our Living Room watching Spiderman when my brother walked in. He was drinking Coke and placed the glass on top of our TV. I know, bad place to keep it. We had a stupid conversation,

"Why doesn't this guy have all hairy legs and hands? He's a Spider right?"
"He's a Spiderman. Not a Spider. I guess he uses Hair removal cream or something..."
I said.
"Ewww. That's weird. And what's with the white thing coming out of his hands?"
"That's the result of eating glue in first grade. Maybe, it collects in the hands."
"Glue? Wow..."
"You should have some white stuff in your hands. Remember? You ate glue in first grade."

"I did a lot of crime fighting the other day and its all over."
"In that case, have some more."

He stared at me and threw a pillow. I caught it and threw it back. It charged towards his face but he ducked. Oh no! The pillow hit the glass of coke and the black stuff fell inside our TV. There were a few weird sounds. I was expecting a "BOOM", but that never happened. My parents gave me stares when I said, it was part of a Science Experiment.

Mishap 3

In fourth grade, my friends did an extensive research and said, gargling Coke after brushing keeps teeth white. I fell for that stupid idea and tried it one morning. I was done brushing my teeth and got back to my room. Then, I gargled the Coke and spat it out through the window. The next moment, there was a voice.
"Oh my God! What's this stuff?"
It was definitely Mr. Neighbor. I couldn't peep out. So I ran to the kitchen and waited at the dining table for breakfast. Once I was done eating, I left for the School bus. Mr. Neighbor was still standing at the same spot looking up.
"Good Morning."
I greeted him.
"The weirdest thing just happened."
he said. "Lots of water fell on my head from nowhere."
I had to say something "Where did it come from?"
"The sky..."
"Oh. Maybe, it was the Airplanes. These passengers, throw away junk and it always manages to fall down."
"I am not joking. You do realize that your window is just above us. Did you have anything to do with it?"
he sounded suspicious.
"Nope. I don't drink Coke..."
"Hey. I said water had fallen on my head, not coke."
"Well... Water is called Coke in short!"

Mr. Neighbor checked with my brother who confirmed I was lying. I gained another spot on his
"People to Hate" list.

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